The West Desk

2011-11-17T15:58:00.001-07:00

Hey, this is 744 Mike D. if like food and money check out my new blog updating you with all the free food opportunities in the area!

Free Food Just Tastes Better

Also feel free to let me know of any free food opportunities that you know of by commenting any post. Thanks!

NEW QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2008-12-27T15:12:00.002-07:00

"But if you took his pants off, he would lose his soldier identity so keep his pants on."

712 to 747

Training meeting!

2008-11-03T19:14:00.003-07:00

What are you doing the 12th of November?

Going to the training meeting?

GOOD ANSWER!

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
1900 in room 3710

If you can't tell, that's Darkwing Duck with a friggin' chainsaw

Interaction in the office

2008-09-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

713- "Wow, this is the spiciest cup of ramen I have ever had"
710- "You pu$$y"
everyone else- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SERVED

FUNNIEST THINGS FOUND IN THE LOST AND FOUND!

2008-02-28T19:05:00.004-07:00

Self-explanatory!

Today (28 Feb 2008) Prophylactics. Can you imagine the response when they realized they were missing? "Uhh, where is the lost and found?" "Right here!" "Uhhhhhhh, do you have any condoms?" "No sorry sir (or madame) we don't sell those here."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH "No, honestly honey! They were in my backpack when I got to the library!"
What kinds of awesome pranks can we play with these?

Hey you guuuys

2008-01-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

New people ahoy! Let's get this started again! With all of the shenanigans afoot, we have got to have some funny stories to tell! Let's update this sucka.

Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said I'm sorry.

2007-10-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if we're not paying attention or what, but on Saturday night I was closing and I saw a TON of food boxes. It was a mess, especially on the fifth floor. There were pizza boxes all over the place, subway wrappers, Jamba Juice cups, banana peels. Are people sneaking it in under our noses or are we just ignoring them and/or assuming that they are employees?
Allow me to offer a solution. It's part of Joel's going away speech. ROVE! Right now, the rove officer is buying an iPod and updating his facebook page. I don't think that's right.
Please don't think that I'm on a high horse. I am repenting as well. I have been shaken by this so I'll be roving when I am assigned to rove. We can at least be as diligent as the MOA. Although they rove with comic books and sudoku puzzles, they rove.
That is all for now.

Holy Orson Scott Card, Batman!

2007-09-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Never before has a riot nigh broken out in the library! Folks lined up for yards around! Mayhem and nerd sweat all around!
Due to a 'communication discrepancy' scores of super-dedicated nerdly types showed up at 0700 to get tickets for the Orson Scott Card lecture. They are a remarkably well-behaved people. There were about 20 people in line from 0700 to 0800, then the line spurted to about 60 people. All sorts of angered peoples would come strolling down the stairs beginning at 0800 thinking that that's when the tickets would be given out, only to find that had they bothered to read the posters rather than newsnet, the website, and the Daily Universe, they would have known that it began at 0900. Because there was a man in position of authority (me) there, those angered peoples came to me asking where they could lodge a complaint. Because I didn't know/care, I just directed them to BYUSA. Hahahahahahaha! I'll update this later when I get back to the control room.

Guestbook Mirth part deux!

2007-08-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

Here they are, as promised. The pickings are a little slim, so it goes.

"This does answer the question if both brain lobes work" -DH (the reason this is funny is the brain has four lobes)
"Spencer and Britney ROCK" -Spencer and Britney
"Barns are cool . . ." -CC
"I have low self-esteem" -My Browny
"My Ninja burns some barns"
"I love barns" -Jenny Craig
and finally, a visit from the big guy himself
"Thiss work is fabulous. I am truly impressed with the gift God has given you" -Gordon B Hinckley

More Guestbook Mirth!

2007-08-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was searching the archives (like the faithful 100 Hour Board junkie that I am) and I came across a blog that chronicled funny entries into the guestbooks that people sign for the exhibits. I discovered the guestbook for the Barns exhibit and I will be putting in the choicest nuggets that people put in, thinking that nobody else will read their attempts at wit.

Is the West Desk Dead?

2007-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

It sure seems like it. Since the internet has been blocked at the desks (except for byu.edu sites) it seems that no one feels the need to kill their time by talking to other library security officers.

The West Desk began as (and still is, for the most part) a way that library security officers were able to talk about new policies, complain about patrons who annoy, and generally have a good time while stranded at West Island.

We can read books at the desk for Spring/Summmer, why can't we go to a website run by Library Security and communicate with those who we feel the closest to (and our co-workers, too)?

Doug (739) Must Stay

2007-02-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of the tragedy that is rapidly approaching, but our beloved 739 is planning on going to SUU. Which in my mind, is a terrible disgrace. I thought that maybe we as a security crew could try and convince Doug to stay by coming up with some reasons why we need him here/why we'd miss him/why Provo is better than Cedar/lists of hot girls that aren't in Cedar, etc. So I figure I'd start off the list....

1) He would miss me sooooo much that he'd probably cry himself to sleep every night

2) Chexits ain't gonna check themselves

3) Who's going to date the retarded quadripeds? (however you spell that)

4) I would miss him soooooo much I'd cry myself to sleep every night

5) EFY girls (you know you love em....)

6) Women's conference women...

So, feel free to add to this list. I'm sure we can convince him to stay!!

Happy freaking Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends at the HBLL.

I miss you peoples.

XO,
716

The West Desk

2007-02-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

How to get a girl

This guy has got moves! If his little lady friend wasn't impressed, she's not worth his time... I particularly like the interpretive dancing.

See the DVR -- 1 Feb 2007 11:53:50 to about 11:54:25

Maybe it'd be interesting to write a dialogue for them...

Opening Anouncement

2007-01-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

This is the first semester that I've had an opening shift and I have found it very sad to see so many lowly students anxiously awaiting the opening of the doors so they can get their study on before the rooster crows. In my personal opinion, studying should by no means start so early- you know what they say, "Whenever you get to bed, not early to rise" or something like that.
Anyhow, to deter students from this inappropriate behavior, I propose that we make an opening announcement. Perhaps it could go something like this,

*bee boo* "(in the voice of a monkey from monk-e-mail, probably Paul) May I have your attention, it is now 7 o'clock. The library is now open and all library patrons are officially losers, please go home and go back to bed immediately. Thank you."

or,
*bee boo* "May I have your attention (still Paul), Jack Bauer just called with some urgent information and the library has been put on high Nerd Alert, all library patrons need to exit immediately."

The possibilities are endless really, but I don't know if LAO will go for it.

Lights Out! Guerilla Radio!

2007-01-26T13:26:00.000-07:00

This is just your friendly reminder to USE THE CONTROL ROOM RADIO WHEN YOU ARE IN CONTROL!!

Why? Well here are some reasons:

1. Because -- I said so.

2. It'll save your "personal" radio's batteries -- heaven knows I hate it when it starts doing that "low battery" beeping.

3. It will help you find love -- people love efficiency.

4. It will prevent feedback -- yes, that's the terrible squealing sound that comes when you use multiple radios close together. It bugs those on duty and it bugs dispatch.

5.It will save the ozone layer and prevent global warming -- it uses less chemical energy.

6. We need to have the control radio at full volume for the control room -- when you turn it down so you can use your radio you're not helping the person who comes after you and doesn't know you turned it down.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll stop there.

That and I don't think those that need to read this post actually will.

A Helpmeet for 709

2007-01-16T21:01:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: 709 didn't put me up to this, but I think he will be glad if and when he sees results.

This post was inspired by a late night screening of Jurassic Park and a conversation I recently had with 709. We were sitting in the control room late one night when he (suddenly, and without warning) started talking about his dating life, and about his wish to court many of the "daughters of Zion" that work here in the division. Basically the gist of his message was that he had a huge crush on all unmarried female security officers (his so called "cousin" included) and wanted to know how to get their attention. I gave him a few insights such as stamping books correctly, sideburns, aftershave, etc. His chin quivered a little bit when he was telling me this. He called himself a son of Helaman.

Interestingly, 709 has been insistent that only female security guards will do. I've often wondered if he is just drawn to girls in uniform; he hasn't been quite the same since he quit coaching girls’ high school tennis last year.

So I guess this is just a plea to all of the unmarried female officers out there. Just please go out of your way to make 709 feel special. If you're interested, start picking up what he's putting down. If not, give him a little encouragement: laugh at his jokes, wink across desks, side hugs, slap hands, etc. Basically I would just like to stop that quiver in 709's chin once and for all.

Chexits aint gonna check themselves.

A library security office

2007-01-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

I know that many of us on the crew are fans of NBC's show "The Office". As I was watching it the other day the thought came to mind, if the people I worked with were the same as the ones on the show, who would be who? What do you guys think? Who is library security's Michael, Dwight, Jim, Pam, Ryan, Kevin, Angela, Stanley, Meredith, Phyllis, Kelly, Oscar, Toby, and Creed?

My picks? Well you'll just have to ask me.

If you need a perminant shift off

2007-01-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

The rules don't change if you need a perminant shift off. If you definitly can't fill it anymore you are responsible for it until one of the following happens.

1. You talked to Jeff before he left and everything has been worked out.
2. You talked to Matt and everything has been worked out between you both.
3. You found someone to take the shift.

Understanding that Matt is out of town you are thereby responsible for the shift until 2 or 3 above has been taken care of.

If you need to take it off immediately you must then continue to find someone to cover it each week until you can talk to Matt.

This is not a change from the way it has been in the past...the only difference is now you go to Matt instead of Jeff.

So cover you shifts or get them covered...except for Thacker on the 12th of January...go get married man!

When the lights go out.

2006-12-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

The lights on the North end of the 4th and 5th floors are on a timer. Do not turn them off or they may need to be re-set.

More from the Archives

2006-12-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

HERE ARE A FEW OLD POSTS FROM SOME OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE...NOTICE ONLY ONE OF THE CURRENT OFFICERS ARE ON THIS LIST...DANG I HATE IT WHEN MY OTHER PERSONALITY (FRED) TAKES OVER. I NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT HE WILL SAY NEXT.

ENJOY.

Ray Kearney is my hero

I don't know if you knew this, but Ray Kearney is actually Superman. If you watch him really closely you'll notice periods of sudden, unexplainable abscence (but never when he's supposed to be working)-- he mumbles something about "having to go" and takes off running.
One of the things that tipped me off is the muscles of steel. I mean, seriously. Try it sometime- get him to flex his bicep. It nearly broke my finger.
Oh, and there's that whole "able to leap tall buildings with a single bound" thing. Actually kind of disconcerting when all of a sudden he just starts flying...
I'm looking forward to meeting Lois Lane...

So. . .whaddya do?

I like people. I like talking to people. I like it when people come and talk to me at the desk. (Also, if I type the word "people" enough times, it starts to look weird to me.) But when friends (or acquaintances) (or people) come up and talk to you at the desk, but they stay too long, what do you do? It's awkward to say, "Hey, sorry, I can't talk to you anymore, I've got to. . .sit here. . .and watch people. . .uh. . .yeah. . ." There's no easy way out. It's just awkward.

I mean, some people just don't get it that we're not here for them to talk to. We have a job to do, people, even if it doesn't look like we're doing anything. So how do you get rid of them nicely? How do you get them to stop leaning on the desk, lingering, blocking the view of other, potentially dangerous people?

Blue Blizazers Get Chicks

Word, Former 786. Life at Library Security never gets more silky and smooth than one's Blue Blazer which, my friend, is friggin silky and filthy smooth. That's why I was so confused when I first donned my Blue Blazer at the beginning of the semester. Sure, it had retained its silky-muh-smoothness and, apart from a little cinnamony overflow from the bathroom, still exuded manly musk. Yet something was different, indeed, nigh unto awry. Halfway through my rove I finally realized what was going on. Turns out 718 and two patrons had buttoned themselves up inside my Blue Blazer along with me. Seriously, chicks dig the things.

HBLL Circulation

FYI - If you happen to see the fan blowing on me at the West Desk, um yeah, I'm just trying to hide a farty day.

Santa Clause Isn't Real

2006-12-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

The time has come for you to learn the truth.

Let's Get Into The Christmas Spirit

2006-12-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

For those of you that have seen this before, it's a good way to start this season, wouldn't you say? And it gives you great ideas for decorating your house. . .and choreographing it with music.

And for those of you who haven't seen this, enjoy! (Just click on the link below)

AWESOME CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!

(I would have just embedded the video on here, but BYU campus has a problem with youtube links.)

Security Survivor

2006-12-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

747 and I were discussing this the other day, and I think we may have something here. What do you all think about modeling library security after the survivor show? This would help us phase out the weaker links among us. At the end of every semester, we'd hold a ceremony (maybe we could have it in Special Collections complete with tiki torches and bonfire) where we vote someone off the division. We'd be sure to invite Brother Groberg with a special "Security at the other side of Heaven" fireside.
During the semester, we could award points for certain tasks [200 points for approaching someone not wearing pants in the map section, 600 points for hiding/using all the security belts in the control room, -70 points for calling a woman "sir" at the desk, -100 points for eating a burger at the desk, etc.] The person with the most points would be exempt from dismissal at the end.
Strategery would definitely come into play here. It would behoove someone to make certain alliances, take notes, etc.

AND JOHN WAYNE IS THE MOST MANLY MAN I HAVE EVER HEARED OF! I just wanted you to know this.

Welcome to the New West Desk

2006-11-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

Not trying to put Joel's good news aside, so if you are reading this and have not yet read the post below...GO READ THE POST BELOW, you can come back to this one later, its not going anywhere.

Well the West Desk has a new look and I have even added a few links to websites that are approved for use at work. The West Desk can now be your first stop on your explorations on the internet and I hope the new look doesn't make any of you sick.

Happy Posting everyone!

The Curse is Broken

2006-11-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

Long ago, in a land not so far away, the Hilton boys were cursed with the curse of indecision. They found themselves leaping from girl to girl, striving to make right what kept going wrong, and hoping each time that the next relationship. . .would be the one that led to marriage. (Bonus points to those who know where I ripped that last bit off from.)

But now, one of the Hilton boys has broken through the curse and has given hope to those other brothers around him. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it finally happened. . .I am engaged!

Hard to believe, I know. But here's how it happened. Bethany and I met in June of 2006. We got to know each other and started dating near the end of June. After a while we got to talking about marriage and we planned on getting married next Spring. Well, as time wore on we both realized we didn't want to wait that long. She expressed her thoughts on the matter, and I told her I'd think about it. Well, I decided that night that I did want to marry her sooner, but I didn't tell her this. I decided it'd be my little secret.

Since then I've secretly been planning and plotting and scheming and, yes, lying to Bethany a bit in order to preserve this secret. I snuck around behind her back and talked to her Dad, I bought presents and the ring and all the time I kept telling her I wasn't ready for marriage yet. I'm a good liar, what can I say? :)

Anyway, sorry about all that background. Well, tonight we went out to her favorite restaurant (Carrabba's) and then afterward I told her that we should get some sleep since we've both been sick lately. So even though she was protesting, I walked her home early in the evening. On the way home we detoured to "our spot" where we used to stop and. . .uh. . .discuss politics when she lived in the ward. Well, we stopped there for old times' sake and talked a bit, and then I got on one knee and popped the question. She was quite shocked and kept saying "Are you joking? You're joking! Are you serious?? Are you joking??" I assured her I was sincere and she said yes and I gave her the ring. And that was that.

Or was it? :) I just barely dropped her off at her house and I left fairly quickly, because while we were out eating, my roommate Mike dropped off a few things in her room. So, at this moment, she is walking into her room and finding a candle she had mentioned she liked, a dozen roses, a teddy bear, a CD I made for her of songs that remind me of her, and a letter I wrote her and sealed up in a envelope. Mushy stuff, I know. And I'm sorry if any of you got nauseous by reading this. But heck, I'm pretty happy right now anyway.

So that's it. I'm engaged. Weird, I know. But it's true.

We'll probably get married in February. We still need to work out the details.

Oh, and the reason I put this on a library security blog? Well, for one it looks so fancy now since we changed the background and also it's the only public forum I have out here on the internet. So. . .yeah. . .

Later!

Girl in Stocks

2006-11-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

Who put up the random picture (the one with the little girl in stocks at the park) on the middle computers in the control room? Whoever you are, your coolness factor just rose about 50 points. I don't know why, but I can't stop laughing at that picture.

The Great Belt Theft of '06

2006-11-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

A long, long time ago, back when even The Former 786 was a young[er] pup, there was the Control Room, jes' spittin' distance from the front doors of the liberry. Back behind these doors, Security folks was free to roam around and chew the fat and heat up a Tupperware o' grub iffen they ever got hungry at work.

The goods cupboard was flowin' with earplugs and CAUTION tape and the biggest bottle of Ibuprofen you ever seen (this side of the Mississippi, o' course), and soldered to the side of this cupboard was a hook to hang yer belt on.

These belts were a special kinda belt, you see. Not only were they black and velcro-y and looked like you'd stolen a length o' seatbelt to wrap around your gut, they did things like keepin' yer radio from draggin' yer pants down.

One day, L'Afro came in to work, and there warn't a belt to be found on that hook.

She looked high.

She looked low.

He[ck], she even opened up every blessed locker in the room, lookin' to see iffen someone had squirrelled a belt away in their cubbyhole.

But you see, it didn't happen jes' once. It didn't happen twice.

It happened EVERY BLESSED DAY this week.

So, fer the love o' Mike, cough up one a those belts. Leave 'em on the hook. Don't take 'em home. Or I may get my friend Rooster to hunt you down.

More DVR amusement

2006-10-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

October 28th -- East Atrium -- 17:22:00 "Wizard of Oz comes to HBLL"

Musings of the newest eager-beaver

2006-10-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

Greetings fellow West Desk-ers,

I am joining your sleepy, bored, and slightly screwy ranks. Firstly, I would like to say how much I enjoy the West Desk. Not just this blog, actually, but the position, too. When I'm sitting over there, so far away from the rest of you, I am free to think, read, talk to myself, even sing. I make lots of friends over there, too. Always those random guys who are at the library on a Saturday afternoon. Kind of odd. They say they are there to meet a study group, but the study group never shows up. And then I feel kind of sorry for them, because they are the only person lame enough to show up for the study group that no one wants to go to.

Tonight I heard a great Halloween song by Panic of a Disco. Really got me in the mood for tomorrow's training meeting. I've been looking forward to it all week. I hope everyone is making cool plans to scare each other. . . just a warning: I can't be held responsible for anything I do when caught off guard. I might take you out. Just ask Jon.

A new day is dawning

2006-10-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

I am sick of the old West Desk. I hate looking at black all of the time. When Blogger was first released I think we only had somewhere close to five templates to chose from. Now as I do the change we may lose some archived stuff. I am going to set up a new blog and try everything on that first but I wanted to make everyone aware of the changes and the possible loss of some info.

If you have any protests you may voice them on the comments though that is not a promise that I will read them :-)

A Little Halloween Fun

2006-10-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

Now that's you've seen the original, here's Thriller done in Legos!

It's a little out of focus and a bit simplistic, but someone took a LOT of time on this thing so I thought it should be seen.

And for those of you that missed training meeting (shame on you) here's the original:

Watch them at the same time for DOUBLE the fun!!

D-V-R F-U-N

2006-10-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

Just so we can get rid of a few sticky notes:

October 5th -- East Atrium -- 00:16:00 "3M Strikes Again!"

October 2nd -- East Atrium -- 21:09:30-21:11:30 "739 helps to dress a patron in a garbage bag."

October 7th -- West Atrium -- 13:22:46-13:22:59 "Modern Viking?"

October 6th -- East Atrium -- 22:09:10-22:09:31 "Lorette's friend hits the machine!"

Enjoy! And feel free to post them on here instead of on sticky notes sometimes.

What was he thankful for?

2006-10-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

I looked up from the desk just as a group of guys walked through the 3M's. Between grins, gufaws, and goretex jackets I caught the fleeting glimpse of a contraband fountain drink as they passed me. Just as the owner of the soda (whom I'll call Sal - just for the heck of it) nestled the straw between his lips again I called out.

"Excuse me, sir."

Despite the fact that I was directly addressing Sal, about ten people (including a very cute blonde girl) turned and looked right at me with "Oh, no, what did I do wrong now?" eyes. Then, before finding out what was wrong, they promptly ignored me and walked farther into the library (the blonde girl included - story of my life). I refocused and looked straight at Sal and turned up the volume a little more.

"Excuse me, but there's no food or drink allowed in the library."

Sal walked a little closer, still sipping. "Oh, it's a drink."

"I know. That's why I said no food or drink."

He took another sip. "But it's a drink."

I paused. "I know."

One of his buddies called out for him to just finish it off. Sal put on a guilty smirk for his friends and swallowed back som more soda. He turned back to me.

I deadpanned.

He relented. "Okay, where's the trash can?"

"Over there by the door."

He trudged over and took another long drag on the straw before dumping the cup in the trash.

"Thanks," I said.

"Thanks, man." He replied.

Huh? Uh, you're welcome ... I guess.

Sports Beat with Stokes

2006-10-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

Hello Sportsfans,

Yes, I know it has been a long time since we've had any sports commentary, but it is football season, which requires either some "love taps" on the butt or a good update on sports. Lets talk cougar football - we're awesome. After two losses that should have been W's BYU is taking it to the peeps. We break the 13-game win streak of TCU in impressive fashion. We whooped up on a top 25 team with our quarterback limping around throwing the ball. My prediction - byu goes undefeated from here on out - look for them in the Vegas Bowl. (I've already booked my airfare to go). Beck looks good, Criddle has saved our pathetic defensive backs from shame this year, and Vakapuna is a punisher! I love football season - nothing but saturdays spent flicking between ABC, ESPN, ESPN2 and the MTN, oh wait a minute..nobody carries the MTN...dorks. On another note, many NBA players have already spoken out against the new ball they will use this year saying the ball is sticky, bounces funny, and feels like a $15 ball you could buy at walmart. My conclusion: this could make some games interesting this year - I can see it now....Shaq goes up for the dunk....throws it down....wait a minute! The ball is still stuck to his hand! Okay, so I miss ya'll - hope you're still protecting the libary for all those book terrorists. Be nice to my little bro and make sure you teach him about our "After hours finals training activities"

Why I Love Southern Utah

2006-10-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.thespectrum.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061003/NEWS01/610030305

The article says it all. (and no, it's NOT because I have a crush on Lakota).

Smile Like You Mean It

2006-09-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

Aside from being an awesome song by The Killers, I titled this entry that because I randomly felt inspired this morning to share a scripture with you all.

It's in Luke 6:32 and it says, "For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? For sinners also love those that love them."

I just felt (randomly) that I should invite all of you to smile at those that people who maybe you don't like as much. And be friendly and nice to those people who you don't get along with.

It may seem like you're putting on a facade at first, but eventually by feigning love for someone you may dislike, you could grow to like them more and, yes maybe, love them. So give people a chance and be nice to everyone. It's in the scriptures, "love thy neighbor as thyself." And that's what BYU is all about.

Once again, I just felt like posting this randomly. I haven't even READ the Daily Universe this morning.

Stupid Question Update

2006-09-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, I think the "Top-10 Stupidest Questions" sticky note on the back of the clipboard needs a little updating. If anybody wants to help out by posting the dumbest questions/comments they've heard lately, go for it. I'll start:

(When I told the patron there was no food allowed)

"Oh, that's okay. This is just my lunch."

Y pod

2006-09-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

You will find yourselves mocking the Y-pod until you try it. Try it. It will change your life forever. I know it did mine. I'm getting one for my bedroom.

Lame Date ideas

2006-09-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on the West Island this lonely Saturday night, I can't help but notice the suprisingly large volume of couples that have come in, and continue to pour into the library. Have I not dated enough recently to realize that making your date watch you do your homework is a highly effective way to get girls? I'm thinking about going back to the drawing board with my dating tactics; erasing all my previous ideas involving activities such as frisbee golf, bowling, playing at the park, etc., and replacing them with more mundane tasks like doing my laundry, making deposits at the bank (that one would be a really special date because it doesn't happen very often), and possibly cleaning out my trunk. So if anyone else has any great date ideas like these, I'd love to hear them- all these nerds are making me jealous.

No Question Too Dumb...maybe

2006-09-05T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hellow all!

Many of us went away for the summer and for those of you who forgot some policy things or even how to use C-Cure, feel free to ask any questions you need to on this forum in order to remember. And if you happen to be Joel then any question you do aks will be dumb considering how long you have worked here and taht you didn't go away for the summer.

For Those of You NOT at the Desks!

2006-08-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a fun music video for you!

Thanks to 734 for teaching me how to do this!

Cologne threat

2006-08-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

I guess it's about time I put the smack down on everyone else (the former 786 has already been warned).

I received a free bottle of cologne the other day that smells terrible. I have access to terrible smelling perfume as well. Let this be a warning to all that I have no problem pouring said cologne/perfume on any one of you if you get out of line. I'm talking about an entire bottle. This is serious folks.

When I arrive on the 17th, I will be placing one bottle of cologne and one bottle of perfume in my locker. Most patrons (and Jeff) will be exempt, but I will have no problem with pouring these sweet liquids on fussy/rude persons (of any gender, race, or age) as well.

Common Courtesy

2006-07-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

This post is meant for each one of you officers as much as it is me venting about patrons.

Get off your cellphone once in a while!

A girl just went through and she beeped. She was on her cell phone at the time and, instead of getting off and talking to me, she didn't say a word to me, carried on her conversation on the phone and pulled out two ILL books (I still say an IQ test should be required to check out those) and put them on the desk and kept on talking, barely even looking at me. I motioned for her to walk back through and she did, and all was well, but then she put the books back in her bag while she was finishing telling the person where to pick her up and then she left. Not one word was said to me. All I have to say is, I felt insulted!

People, I don't care if you're at the library, making a deposit at the bank, going through a supermarket check-out stand, or ordering at McDonald's. GET OFF YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU'RE INTERACTING WITH SOMEONE! At least give them the courtesy of acknowledging them as a human being and not treating them like they're some kind of automated machine, only there to serve you.

At the ATM, I don't mind if you're on your cell phone. Those things are rude.

Victory Wave of the Blue Blazer

2006-07-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

"Control...we'll be making an arrest."

734 and 741 dash into the control room to do a little victory jig after hearing the latest on the under-24-hour backpack theft occurrence in CID. For those of you who were not visiting Harold during these hours, here's a little recap and shout out.

As I arrived yesterday for another exciting day of Westlandia and monotonous roves, I found out that a theft had occurred in our very own CID. I was asked to pull up the footage on the fairly-recently-opened-up view of CID from the hallway. I was excited to be part of the investigation, but my excitement was soon held in check when the inevitable Risk Management came requiring my irreplacable "ROVE" assistance. Luckily, I was only needed for about five minutes. By the time I came back, 729 had found a very informative section of the video that showed a man with a bag leaving and depositing it into the empty room also within view. He apparently had been in and out several times, playing the cellphone role as he did. We continued to look for more: the scene where the owner of the pack realizes his bag is missing and heads off frantically to look for it (when in reality it and the man who took it are probably not more than 7 feet away from where he left it); the scene where both owner and thief do what might be considered a Russian Roullette and probably even look each other in the eyes as they pass; the multiple scenes where the thief walks around on his cellphone; and finally the scene where the thief leaves with the backpack. Throughout the day more investigation went into the theft. Many employees believed they had seen him--perhaps even interacted with him. We didn't know then that the mystery would be solved only hours away.

Today, after accidently not checking that I had signed up for 708s shift, I arrived at work at about 7:45. Within minutes, I heard 740 explain to 12 that CID had called, they thought our man was back today, and the backpack had been returned to a cubicle 2 seats away from where it should have been. I was soon asked to search for the footage to confirm whether or not the suspect had a bag with him when he came in. Sure enough he did. Sure enough he was on his cell phone again. Sure enough he used the empty back room. The excitement butterflies were back.

12 had disappeared, we assumed to go talk with the man. After a while 734 and I looked at the footage of 12 heading back with another officer, and taking our man with him. We waited anxiously.

"Control, I just wanted to let you know, we'll be making an arrest so I won't be in the office for a while."

May the victory wave of the blue blazer be held high once more. Who says we just sit at the desks? Here's a shout out to all those who helped with another historical moment in Library Security. And 729...it just had to happen on your last day!

The Tap...

2006-07-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

I just have to say I love the tap. You know...the tap that people do as they turn in their books right after they set the books down. I guess they just want to make sure you know they are there. The tap. "Just tap...tap...taparoo."

L'Afro goes HBLL (think "postal") in Disneyland

2006-07-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

Friends, I had no idea how much Security had affected me until just last week.

I was in the Happiest Place on Earth (no, that's not the Atrium at sundown, you silly thing) walking around California Adventure with some friends. I'm a people-watcher, so I notice two people from India walk over to a huge wood statue of Brother Bear. They want to get a picture, so they get the third person in their group to take it.

They're standing there, seriously on the count of "two," when an American mommy-lady walks--not just through the photo--straight into the line of fire and just stands there, looking up at Brother Bear. The Indian people just look at each other for a minute, smiles frozen on their face, hoping she'll get the hint and leave.

She doesn't. Mommy-lady pulls a map out of her pocket and starts unfolding it. She's obviously looking for a landmark.

I waited about two nanoseconds before I jumped to action, doing the first thing I could think of.

I called out, "Ma'am?" in my very best you've-got-a-Jamba-and-you-set-off-the-3M-with-an-ILL-book tone of voice.

She didn't notice, so I called out to her again.

"Ma'am?"--finally she looked around and saw me--I said, and motioned to her to step toward me. "You're in their photo."

Well, Mommy-lady jumped out of the way with all sorts of apologies.

Me, I walked away feeling like a bit of an idiot. Looks like no matter how hard I try to leave the HBLL, it'll follow me there...

Any other stories? Official radio talk on a family camp out? Unintentional Jamba seizings in the Quad?

In Your Dreams...

2006-06-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

As this is officially my first blog, I genuinely hope it is a good one. I have decided after working here far more than the usual 3 hours a week, that there just are not enough people blogging on the West Desk. Every time I pull it up, it seems that the same blog is glaring back at me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the bloggers out there, but here is a call for comments. What I pose to all of you is a glance into your dreams. I don't necessarily mean you need to tell me about Prince Charming or Lady Love (although, I would love to hear those too!). I want to hear about your Library Security dreams. The wackiest, scariest, most whimsical, witty or ridiculous dreams you have had that involve our special forces. To begin...I will share mine of late that inspired this blog.

It happened about a week ago. (Bubbly music and blurring of vision now....) I had closed the library, and it was now after midnight when I decided I would actually sleep in the library. For some reason I assumed that it was necessary for me to stay in the library overnight. Oddly enough, I also believed that I would sleep while watching CCure and the cameras and manning the radio. I suppose in my dreams I am some kind of superwoman who is all knowing and all aware, even while sleeping. Or is it only in my dreams.....? Okay, on with the dream. So, I decided that the spare bed that seemed to be readily available would suffice for the night. I pulled it out into the middle of the walkway past the 3ms on the East side. How I got it past the 3ms, I don't know. It's a dream, right? Everything is easier in a dream.

But here's when the action takes place. Here I am getting some z's, when a female patron decides she will finally leave the library--3 hours after it closed. I immediately wake up. The thiefwoman sees that I have eyed her. Somehow, I know that of the three books in her hand, ONE is not checked out to her. I soar from the bed across the atrium and through the west door where thiefwoman has just "violated the door." Imagine the scene--the darkness and emptiness of campus at 3am, two women are seen streaming across the sidewalk area outside the west atrium doors. I quickly catch up with the woman, pounce on her, and throw her to the ground. I don't remember reading her any rights, but with that kind of a catch, I probably should have. I took repossession of the books and dragged thiefwoman back into the library with me, only to FI her and send her on her merry way. The end. (Bubbly music and more blurring....)

I know...it's an amazing story. It probably has blockbuster potential. Mr. Spielberg, you know where to reach me. We may need to fix the ending a little, but I think it will definitely cause a boom at the boxoffice.

So anybody else want to try....?

A change of scenery...

2006-06-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

Just thought a new post was in order. So here it is. Enjoy.

KaBoom . . . Crashhhhhh!

2006-06-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Can I tell you that although working 12 hours in a day (or 16 in Shauna's case) makes it easy for a person to go crazy, (ask Shauna), it is most remarkable when that day is the day of a huge thunder and lightning storm. Every fifteen minutes or so the rain pours hard, then it lights up for ten minutes, then it cycles through again, like pride. All in all the atrium is a perfect lookout for witnessing a thunder and lightning storm.

I think I'm a little hyper both from the long hours in the library and the brownies circ donated to sec after their ward, I mean work, party. I had two, brownies not hours of course. Shauna and I both think that one brownie tastes wonderful and two brownies taste wonderful but then make you feel sick.

I think the storm is getting worse. The lightning is more frequent now. I wonder if we should play an announcement that says, "Due to threatening weather conditions, the library is closing NOW. The library puts your safety first and thanks you for your cooperation. Please pick up your stuff and your person and exit through the atrium doors IMMEDIATELY." It would only be 15 minutes early . . . but when you've been here all day that means quite a lot. Ask Shauna.

P.S. while I was roving south on the 3rd floor I heard a male's voice singing "Take my hand, take my whole heart, too, 'cuz I can't stand, falling in love, with you" repeated three times. I found the aspiring vocalist in the disability lab singing all by himself. Out of the kindness of my heart, I did not disturb him. (And yes, there is still kindness in my heart, even after working here 2 1/2 years.)

P.P.S. Can I just say that one of the cool things about Jeff is that he does things like opting to take a broom and dustpan and go clean out the cobwebs from the emergency stairwells even until 6pm, 100% his own idea and of his own accord, and is genuinely HAPPY about it.

Hotel Robison

2006-06-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

So I think I ought to apply for a business license. So far I've housed 716 (who is still a resident) 739, and 743 at my home in Utah's Dixie.

Maybe yall need a road trip to Zion. The weather's always GREAT . . . and I might be able to get you a sweet deal on a golf package if you make your reservations now!

The Satisfaction of FI's

2006-06-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hey you FI-ing Maniacs,

Just a few guidelines for filling out FI's so you all know what information is required and which information you do NOT have to fill out. The database is meant to take only very specific info. It also matches identical BYU ID #'s and last names automatically so we can match people up and see how many violations the same person has had.

The possible categories for FI-ing include: Unchecked-out Books, Food/drink, Leaving the HBLL after hours, Being in CID after hours, Suspicious behavior, door unlocks, and Miscellaneous (riding bike into HBLL, running/rough housing, viewing porn on public computers, other disruptive behaviors). I always FI people who have attitude when I confront them about any of the above.

For the purposes of entering FI's into the database, the only info I need is:

1. BYU ID# (Drivers License# and SS# are NOT enterable. These are last resort IDs if nothing else is available. If you DO end up taking the SS# and the person is a BYU student/faculty, you should then go to WorkFlows to look up the perpetrator's BYU ID# so you can record it on the FI form.

2. First and last names - please write legibly. If I mistake an "e" for and "a" because I could not read the writing, the system may not automatically link two entries from the same person.

3. Your 700 #

4. date

5. time

6. location if prevalent

7. specific category of violation or brief description of events, dialogue, cooperation/lack of cooperation, actions leading up to or following violation if pertinent.

Thank you. Following these guidelines will help make your FI's worth both your time and mine. Go get 'em.

When Shauna Says Jump. . .

2006-05-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

. . .I say how high on the way up.

Greetings, everyone. It has come to our (741's) attention that The West Desk (the blog, not the actual desk) has been growing stale lately. She, therefore, asked me to put a new post on there (preferrably funny) and therefore I will (and I will try).

I've been thinking about this one for a while (the last minute) and I've decided to post A Couple Ways Other People Can Tell You May Not Be Doing Your Job As Well As You Can (or ACWOPCTYMNBDYJASAYC, as we call it sometimes). Here we go:

1. There are stacks of books (i.e. more than 5) on your desk. Multi-task, people, multi-task.

2. All the Microsoft (company of the devil) Outlook reminders are showing as "Overdue" by a day or two.

3. The Rove Log isn't filled out. It's a way to keep an account of which floors are roved and it's also a motivator to get your hiney (heinie?) out of the control room and actually do something during that rove (and not just a quick rove to the Cougareat). Fill the rove log out (I can't stress this enough).

4. The Rove Log isn't filled out (maybe I can stress it enough).

5. The rotation is more than 2 minutes late. If you rotate on time, people are happier. It's a scientifically proven fact (Security Scientists are very devout scientists, but not to be confused with Scientologists).

6. There are books just stacked on top of the cart when they could fit anywhere on the actual bottom shelves. We're not building towers here. Or when one side of the cart is completely filled up (including the top) while the other side is empty. This induces what we call, here in the biz, tippage. (This is bad.)

7. The name that is logged in on C-CURE is from two rotations ago. (Don't use other people's log-ins for C-CURE otherwise people like 723 get blamed for something 738 did.)

8. Your radio is not turned on when you're actually on rove. (708, I'm sorry about that once again. I feel like an idiot.)

9. More than three Jamba Juices make their way past you without you even looking up. (Jamba is evil!)

10. You answer more questions to the people on your cell phone at the desk than you do to actual patrons. (No-no.)

Feel free to add others as you feel necessary. (Maybe this will get a conversation started, Shauna.)

Doughnuts?!

2006-05-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

...yeah, everybody enjoy eating my doughnuts for me.

I guess I'll just bake myself a birthday cake down here.

And have a great day, everyone. I miss you, and I'm REALLY sorry I missed seeing Special K take the exhibit down. (Celebrate good times, come on! Do the hustle! Stayin' alive! It's rainin' men, hallelujah! I will survive! One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster! Okay, I am officially done quoting disco tunes! Really!)

Love love,
716

The Last Great Treasure Hunt!

2006-05-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ok,

I've done it one last time. I've placed the last "Ripped Off" card somewhere in the Special Collections exhibit. Get searching! Since the exhibit closes on Friday (cue the Hallelujah chorus) you only have a day or two to find it.

This one is hidden well, so the prize will be substantially bigger. Good luck. Clues will follow if no one finds it!

Half Time

2006-04-28T14:26:00.001-07:00

Hey, you know how in the middle of the big game timer calls half time and the players run off the field for a drink, break, bandage, rewrap, or motivational speech? Some run off with the victory sign, while other team players limp off the field dripping with sweat and blood, or shaking their heads like they're about to never come back . . .

. . . However, a quarter of an hour later (about), all the players are recharged and refueld, refocused and re-motivated, and they all return to the playing field.

What would have happened to the dear players if they had never got that half time break? What if the buzzer never went off and the players had to keep running and diving and kicking and slamming all the while at the end of their ropes, feeling punished and forgotten? Or, how about if they always got their half-time breaks until those last 2 or 3 games of the season?

The moral: We've got 2 weeks left. We're in for the finals. When you are rove, don't stop relieving your Special K person at half time. Thanks. You are the greatest.

The West Desk

2006-04-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

The West Desk

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

2006-04-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

The courtroom hung heavy with the echoing sound of the gavel as the congregration settled down to a dull roar.

"I will have order in my court!" bellowed the judge, his face red with anger.

Silence reigned once again.

"Now, you may proceed, counselor." He motioned to the prosecuting attorney. The prosecutor straightened his tie, cleared his throat and approached the witness once again.

"As I was saying, your honor," the prosecutor said, his long southern drawl melting into his words, "there is absolutely NO evidence of the whearabouts of the defendant during the night of this heinous crime. He has no proof as to where he was other than the sketchy account of a friend he had spoken to later that evening. Therefore, he is obviously guilty and should be prosecuted to the furthest legal extent." The prosecutor sat down, a smug smile crossed his face.

The jury mumbled to each other. Shaking their heads and looking at the defendant, now sitting with his head bowed on the stand.

"Your witness." The judge said to the defendant's attorney.

"Thank you, your honor." the attorney said, "Now while the prosecution's allegations are quite persuasive, I beg to differ on his conclusions. There is, in fact, concrete, solid evidence of the whereabouts of my client. Your honor, he was on Rove in the Harold B. Lee Library."

The crowd began to mumur again. The judge silenced the courtroom again. "I presume, conselor, that you have evidence of this 'roving?'"

"I do, your honor." said the attorney, proudly. "I have here, his ROVE LOG! Fully filled out!"

The courtroom erupted in cheers. The defendant had filled out his rove log. His whereabouts were known and his honor was in tact.

Thank you, Rove Log!

To the Office Cleaning Zelots Out There

2006-04-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I appreciate the fact that you want a clean office...even so much that I can be found cleaning up after myself about 95% of the time (hey nobody is perfect 100% of the time).

I must say however that if YOU want a clean office and decide to clean it YOURSELF, then YOU shouldn't do it by moving the mess from the office to some arbiterary locker and then telling the owner to clean it up for YOU! So get it together and don't push YOUR mess, or the one that you apparently need to cleanup, on other people.

And on that subject, it was homework that was left in my locker. And if someone first decides to do homework in the office (which they shouldn't) and then decides to leave it for others to clean up (which they shouldn't) and someone else throws it in the trash I have absolutly no simpathy for the individual.

Bottom line, if you do the deed then clean up after yourself, if not and you have some over-zelous desire to be someones buttler then just finish the job and don't pass it to someone who has nothing to do with it!

Are You Ready, Gumshoes?

2006-04-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

I hid another "Ripped Off" card in the exhibit. The finder of this one will get a bigger prize than the last time because this one is hidden in a slightly more difficult place.

Clues to come if no one finds it.

Scheduling

2006-04-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

I think that if you take a rotation shift that is Friday Night or Saturday night that goes from 1730 - 0000 or later you should be exempt from being in a rotation that late at night.

Example: 717 took a midnight shift on Friday last semester that saved many a folk from having to turn dates down. Why should 717 therefore have to go into a rotation on a midnight saturday shift. THAT WOULD BE MEAN AND DOWNRIGHT DIRTY. No, I think the only rotations that that person should be eligible for are those saturday afternoons and sunday shifts that may be in the rotation.

Please show your support for such a rule by commenting to this blog. Decenting oppinions from 735 will be deleted by me (I served my mission in Russia).

It's Time For Reform

2006-03-29T16:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, now I know a lot of you don't like criticism, but there comes many times in our lives when we need to hear it. This one of those times.

Recently, the employees of Special Collections have noticed that we have been "socializing" and "leaning on top of the display cases." This is unacceptable. The employees of Special Collections are paid to sit there and watch our every move and they're doing a darn good job of that -- so I think we, too, need to do our job better.

We are not to talk to, nor feed the employees of Special K. Either one of these might give them an upset stomach. And no leaning. . .at all. At all times you must be standing in a perfectly vertical stance, with no variation. Even if you are shot in the stomach and you are dying, you must die while standing at attention. Don't worry, it'll be easier once the rigor mortis sets in.

Here are some other observations that I have heard about library security and I would like to pass on to you:

Special Collections employees have also noticed that we walk in circles around the exhibit, and sometimes figure-eights. This is offensive to them. They would prefer it if we walked in a shape with corners instead. Perhaps a rectangle or a square or even a pentagram. This would make our job seem more professional, they suggest. Also, no skipping -- that is just plain vulgar.

Also, the employees at Circulation have noticed that we are not stamping in the little box right after the one they have stamped in the middle of nowhere. They noticed this because they were watching us closely from their desk. So closely, in fact, that they have sacrificed looking down and actually rubbing the book on the desensitizer and they just wave the book it in the air above it. They're dedicated to watching us. Mostly because they think we're hot, but still. . .

Finally, the employees at the LRC have noticed that we have been breathing too much. They feel that our constant expiration of carbon dioxide is the reason that their computer lab is so gosh darned hot. They request that we stop breathing at once as it makes it harder for them to do their job.

If you must breathe, make sure you exhale toward the new building so all the hot air goes to Special Collections. . .where it belongs. (ZING!)

Have a good work day.

Ready, Set, Seek!

2006-03-25T21:02:00.000-07:00

To all the Treasure Hunters out there: The Ripped Off card in the Exhibit has been found. I know this will probably dissapoint you, but there is hope! Now there is a BYU Student Deputy card lurking around down there. You should find it before it causes too much trouble. :)

FYI -- Read Me!

2006-03-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Hey All, I just learned a little tidbit from circulation that I have been asked to pass on:

The Issue:PLEASE try your best to use up as little space as you can on the Date Due sticky notes for one stamp, and make the most of the space available. It isn't really that hard to take less than half a second to lign up the stamp with the little box provided. Please be sure to not use/waste them for any other purpose other than what they were intended for. (ie a regular sticky note, which they are not.)

The Reason: The library spends $1500.00 a year on these sticky notes because they are custom made for us. (Which can be recognized if you look at them closely, they all say Brigham Young University on them.) And that only buys a certain small amount and if you run out during the year then that is just too bad, there will be no more. (Actually they only order them every other year, so add that up.)

The Moral: We are towards the end of our supply before they order more, and we have been asked to be careful and conservative.

The End

Dear Citizens of the World

2006-03-24T14:43:00.000-07:00

I, The Former 786, have hidden a "Ripped Off" Card somewhere in the Joseph Smith Exhibit. He or she who finds it must bring it to me and then they will receive a special prize.

Good luck. Clues will be revealed in subsequent posts.

Erin Go Bragh

2006-03-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

'Tis a fine day today. A day in which you can be tellin' who be Irish, and who isn't....

Well, that's a lie. I mean, even those of Japanese descent are wearing "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" buttons today.

Although usually you can tell if someone is truly Irish by the way they're passed out on the pavement, drunk (ZING!).

But today is the day in which you can tell who is fun, and who isn't. It's the same with most holidays. It basically breaks down into two groups:

Fun People: These are the people who dress up and celebrate the holiday. They're generally happy on the holidays and they try to make the best of it. These are also the people who, as soon as they realize it's a holiday, even if they forgot, they'll try to make the best of it (i.e. someone who forgot it was St. Patrick's and staples a leaf on their shirt or colors their hand with a green highlighter.) These are the fun people, the people you want to be around, want to be friends with, and even....dare I say it....the people you want to marry. (Yes! I dared!)

NOT Fun People: The "unfun" as I like to call them rebel against the holiday. These are the ones who won't "conform" and so they treat the holidays like they're any other day. They chide the fun people for (GASP) actually celebrating a special day and they insist that the traditions our forefathers gave us are stupid and childish. I'd like to see them call George Washington stupid and childish to his face when he first dressed up as a hippo to celebrate the first Halloween with the Indians. Most likely, these are the people who didn't wear green in elementary school on days like today and got severely pinched for it and have been bitter ever since. This group also includes those that forgot it was the holiday and then pretend to not care about the holiday so they won't look stupid. These people are dull and should be shot....with a syringe of fun juice.

So, there you have it. Keep your eyes peeled on the holidays for the fun and the unfun. They walk among you.

More Fun Entries

2006-03-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a couple more fun entries from the book down in Special K:

"Why wasn't the Seer-Stone displayed?(name)P.S. Great job -- Wonderful!"
and just below that entry
"Because people are not prepared to see it.....for instance people like you! I though this was most boring."

And further down on the page

"Rabits are good."

And on one of the last pages filled out as of now

"This exhibit was the shiznit!"

Deep thoughts, from deep people.

Clickers away!!!!

2006-03-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and associates,

Our honored comrade and colleague Jessica Zan wanted me to tell you this fundamental truth:

"Next time you click on the mouse on East, just remember who got it fixed--me."

That's right. Miss Zan took the initiative to call up Gen Ref and complain about the way you have to slam the mouse with your finger to get it to click properly.

(She actually said on the phone, "We have a question about the mouses...mice..."[then off the phone, to me:] "Do you call them 'mice?' ")

Then stood by her complaint when he questioned the validity thereof.

"You just have to get back here and try it," she said.

The guy tried to click it.

"Yep," he said. "It looks like it's broken."

So now, thanks to her tenacity (and the fact that they had an extra mouse in Gen Ref), the mouse is fixed.

Hats off to you, Jessica Zan.

Elections

2006-03-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

What with all the talk of campus elections this week, and after reviewing the cadidates' platforms, I got to thinking.... and I realized that I should have ran for BYUSA President! I thought I would share my platform with you guys to see if you would have voted for me.

"When I'm elected President of BYUSA I will...."

1) Impose a checkout limit of 1 oddly shaped, oversized juvenile book per student per semester.

2) Install more hidden cameras in the library....mwahaha

3) Get more channels and Tivo for the TV by the employee entrance.

4) Give candy bars out for not correctly guessing the scores of BYU sporting events, and bring donuts on unbirthdays

5) Come up with a way to lightly shock people that walk through the 3M's without rememembering to pass their ILL books around or people that force the dock entrance open...and leave it open (that might deserve a bigger shock)

--and of course, a few things that are completely out of my circle of influence...

6) Cafe Rio in the Cougareat

7) More space in between the seats in the MARB and small JSB classrooms, likewise with any other classroom you find on campus with inadequate legroom.

8) More beef

9) More dates...hot ones

10) Less snow

So, vote 709 for BYUSA President next year, I'll make all your wildest dreams come true...

Sara doesn't like it when I tease her

2006-03-07T16:19:00.000-07:00

So don't do it.

But she did get a new cat that she adores.

Paying Respects to One of the Greats

2006-03-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

I wanted to pay respect to someone who I would consider one of the greatest of library security officers by re-posting two of his bests posts.

ADIO KEYING FOR DUMMIES

ol from Rove.

ahead.

ving the 2nd floor new.

4. Did you remember to close the dock?

time was that at?

teen hundred.

gone there yet, but I will.

ber the 6th floor doors, too.

4.

ister still a virgin?

ell did you just say?

egard that last message, please.

Library Security From Dispatch...

posted by Saurus at 11:39 1 comments

A Heartwarming Tale from 702

A long time ago, back when Mom was pregnant with my little sister, she accused Dad of being with another woman. So, he showed her his rove log and it proved he wasn't sleeping around. She was so happy so they decided to get married.

Rove Log: Uniting Families

posted by Auric at 20:13 0 comments

Now this last one was posted by Auric but was actually written by 702. I miss you man.

A small reminder

2006-03-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

I may be stepping out of line on this one, but it seems some people may have forgotten (or never knew). The Control Room, while being a nice refuge for us in the library, should not be used a lot for homework. Yeah, it may be difficult to find an open computer out in the library, but there always are some available.

It's not a clubhouse. Please, don't loiter around in the control room if you're not working.

What the...?

2006-03-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting experience the other day. There I was roving, minding my own business while being very nosey and suspicious of everybody, when what do my eyes behold? A cell phone and wallet just left all alone at a desk waiting for someone to take them. So what do I do ,you ask? Well, first I took the wallet and emptied out all of the cash, then I spent it all to buy me some Taco Bell soft tacos. After that, I maxed out the credit cards in an effort to buy a car, but all the guy could afford was a measly little 10 cc motorscooter. Rather disappointed, I decided to make a bunch of calls to random people in Taiwan, India, Uzbekistan, and Tibet and maybe order some pizza delivered there. Unfortunately, the phone was already out of prepaid minutes!!! I was devastated! So I took the phone and wallet back to where I found it and left a Ripped Off card as I walked away, swearing revenge.

Record your feelings here.

2006-02-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, I think I've found one of my favorite entries in the guest log down in the exhibit.

It reads: "I hat thiss place. It is Boring." (actual spelling preserved)

Poor kid, he probably got dragged here by his parents and was forced to stand around and look at old dusty books...then he found a pen and paper!

I wonder if his parents saw it and got all embarrassed...

I've marked the page with this entry on it with an "X" in the top right-hand corner if you wish to see it for yourself.

And feel free to post your favorite entries here.

Piece of Advice to Argican Pride

2006-02-22T23:20:00.000-07:00

Just remember that as you are hoping to become like those below-average-looking guys with the throngs of above-average-looking girls hanging on their arms, you can only get through the 3M machines one at a time. So, while you are walking through the 3M machines, you might want to separate for just a second from those beautiful girls, or you could have trouble. Other than that, hope to your heart's content. We are all hoping for ourselves already.

The Secret of Spring

2006-02-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

So...I was just doing some light reading this weekend in St. George and I came across what is, in my opinion, one of the literary greats of our time. I spent hours and hours reading and have truely become converted to this author. I wanted to share this find with those I love. Here is the oh-so-thrilling-back-cover-synopsis-that-is pretty-much-the-whole-novel-in-a-few-paragraphs. Hope you fall in love as I did.

The Secret of Spring

He's a sentient plant.
Herb Moss is a nice young man. He's a Vegan: a member of a genetically engineered species , part human and part plant. Life is a little dull--everyone keeps telling him it's to put down roots. Surely, he thinks, a little romantic correspondence on the side can do no harm.

She's a magician's daughter...
Mean while, far away on the plant New Land, a young woman named Spring has been living with her widowed father Gabriel, a practicing sorcerer, keeping house and helping out with the business. It's been a good life.

...with a big secret.
But Gabriel has discovered hiterto-unknown magical secrets that can bring their possessor absolute power. And for safekeeping he's sorcerously locked them within his daughter, where on her own true love--or, failing that, someone she likes a lot--can access them. So to speak.

Trouble ensues.
Then, when her father is killed under suspicious circumstances, Spring flees to the shelter of an austere Order, where, grieving she places a personal ad, looking for a pen pal with whom she can discuss botany. Little does she know that her knew pen pal Herb thinks she's interested in romance.
Meanwhile, an ambitious wizard has learned of the existence of Spring's secrets. And he'll do anything to get them...including the obvious.

Praise to the Men...

2006-02-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

Props to the guys in here who manage to walk out with lovely ladies on their arms and below average looks on their own faces. I wish I knew their secret... it gives me hope, my friends, a whole lotta hope...

The Regency Romance novel brought us to tears...of laughter

2006-02-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

729 and I have a habit of reading the backs of cheesy romance novels aloud to each other at the desk, and we stumbled across the granddady. I highlighted all my favorite parts in bold. So here it is, in all its puppy-dog-eyed glory:

"Beauty and the Brawn"

"Truman Fleming has spent enough days wearing a suit--and enough nights on the arm of silly socialites--to last a lifetime. After all, he has better things to do with his hands than push pencils and spend the family fortune, so he straps on a toolbelt and decides to live the simple life. But things definitely get complicated when he runs smack into lady lawyer Marcy Paglinowski.

"Together, they rescue a terrified puppy...and soon the sparks that fly ignite more than just their sympathy.

"Marcy's strived hard to become a lawyer, and the last thing she needs is a workin' man--even one like Truman--who's got biceps and triceps galore... [Rooster says: "I didn't know you could have more than just two..."]

"No, she's determined to find a reliable guy with a steady paycheck and a four-door vehicle, and Truman, no matter how sexy he looks in tight, dusty jeans and a T-shirt, isn't for her...or is he?"

After we had wiped the tears of mirth off our faces, we decided to bring you the back of this cheesy novel...because a cheesier novel-back won't come around again in your lifetime...or will it???

Real Crowd Pleaser

2006-02-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

503 laps, now that's a real feat,
maybe GET TO WORK,
that would be sweet!

The "king" is dead...

2006-02-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

503
0804-0915

417
0804-0900

"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."
-1 Corinthians 9:24

The KING has returned!!

2006-02-15T19:24:00.000-07:00

That's right 708 and 747 -- Lil' old Joel KICKED YOUR TRASH!!

298 Laps!!! (consecutive laps in the exhibit without any patrons entering)

On February 15th, from 1815-1915 I, 738, broke your puny records and then some!!

BLOW ye the trumpet in the HBLL, and sound an alarm in my holy library: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of JOEL cometh, for it is nigh at hand. --Joel 2:1

Come One, Come All (Just don't tell anyone)

2006-02-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. Late-Night Alarm Training will be this month on February 24th. If you have to ask where or when, you are not invited.

Bring $5 to Mr. T the night of or before. YOU WILL NOT BE PLAYING OR PARTICIPATING AT ALL IF YOU DO NOT...I MEAN IT!

So let it be written...

2006-02-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

So let it be known. On Saturday, Feb. 4. 2006, at 1853 hours, the record for consecutive laps in the exhibit (without any patrons entering) was broken.

The record now stands at 251 laps.

They say records are made to be broken. Good luck with that one, my friends.

"A lot of people run a race to see who's fastest. I run to see who has the most guts."
-Steve Prefontaine

Internship of Mr. T's Dreams

2006-02-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

I just thought this would be a good opportunity for all of us to guess the "internship of Mr. T's dreams (you know, the one he talked about in his e-mail.)

My guesses:

Janitorial engineer
Mormon "rapper"
Secret Service Captain

Sharing things that people don't want.....

2006-01-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that people share things that you just don't want. Like gross details about their bodily functions, or stupid stories that just are not funny, but the one that annoys me the most is when people are sick and they want to hang out with you. Like those people who go to church and are sick. Stay home!!! It is ok to stay home if you are sick! The whole wardf does not want what you have!! You're taking the whole Zion thing just a little too far!!! Or people who are sick and come to the contrtol room, use the phone, chat with people, and eat their lunch, or in other words spend the whole day there, this post is for you. You might not have even thought about it, but sometimes people don't want you to share with them. So next time you want to share something with someone think 'would I want someone to share something like this with me?'

Kinda Creepy!

2006-01-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

Hey,

I don't know if it's just me or not, but the picture of Lucy Mack Smith is staring me down while I'm in the Special Collections Exhibit! Her eyes follow me everywhere, and they're open really wide, too.

I don't want to go back down there. *whimper*

O Ye Fair Ones. . .

2006-01-21T17:46:00.000-07:00

Due to popular demand. . .er, rather. . .due to the fact that we're having the same problems I decided to bring this oldie, but goodie, back from obscurity. It was called, "It Ain't Rocket Science" because, well, stacking books properly should be a basic knowlege of us here at Library Security -- but you can't really tell that from the book carts lately.

The post has been edited for previous content.

What is with the stacking of books lately? It seems people either a) don't know, b) don't care, or c) are too [lazy]. People have been stacking books all on one side of the cart making it awkward and lopsided to turn around and/or move. This is wrong.

People have also been just throwing ALL of the books on top of the cart and just letting the next person stack them onto the shelves. This is also wrong.

This is the correct way to stack books onto the carts: Stack the top shelf first. If the book doesn't fit in the top shelf, give the bottom shelf a try (sometimes they're different sizes). If it is an irregular-shaped/no-call-number-on-the-side book and/or damaged book, THEN you stack it on the top of the cart (just in a pile until it gets pretty full).

When the two shelves are full, you turn the cart around and fill up the other two shelves. THEN you start to arrange books on the top of the cart. Only then.

And don't forget to fill out a slip and call Circ. If you chat with them a bit instead of just asking for a cart, they usually will get the empty cart to you quicker.

Fetch All You Fetchin' Fetchers!!!

2006-01-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

An Outlook story.

2006-01-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there were a bunch of Security guards who forgot to do the hourly gate counts on West for days and days at a time.

Then one day, someone figured out that if Outlook was left open, it was like an alarm clock on the computer. With Outlook's magical powers, the Security guards would never again forget to scribble down the confusing numbers in the boxes marked P and A.

In the end, LAO realized that no patrons came in in the dead of night and on Saturday mornings, so they shortened nights at the HBLL and trimmed down on weekend shifts, causing much joy and happiness to the Security guards...all because they remembered to take the hourly gate counts.

The End.

Civil Rights Day

2006-01-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

Why not celebrate Civil Rights Day by doing your civic duty and protecting one of our nations most prized posessions: The Library! Please sign up for the open shifts! Martin Luter King, Jr. would be pleased as southern BBQ to see you here!

New Policy

2006-01-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

Effective January 11, 2006:

All security guards who wish to carry a flashlight must undergo basic flashlight training academy, which includes, but is not limited to, having a flashlight shined directly into their eyes.

Promulgated and enacted this 11th Day of January, 2006.

Aspiring lead officer 739.

Revenge of the Nerds

2006-01-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

I signed up for the shifts in special collections all day today (8am to 5pm) and wondered why I had done such a thing to myself when my alarm went off at 6:45. I of course pushed snooze as many times as proper morning hygeine would permit and got out the door in just enough time to make it to work without being late.

I ran from the guest parking lot (the normal lots are all enforced during the break... I found out the hard way) and hurriedly walked through the Wilkinson Center. It was raining this morning so I decided I'd wait underneath the overhang in front of the wilk until the library opened. I was getting ready for another slow day at the library when I saw something that shivered my timbers. As I looked across Brigham Square, I saw a mob of what appeared to be about 50 supergeeks anxiously waiting in the rain for the opening of the atrium doors. They were all chanting and beating their chests... "Open the doors, open the doors!" some had torches... (ok, they weren't chanting or anything, but there really was a big mob of about 50 nerds out there!).

I'm still baffled as to why they're so anxious to get in here already. I figured I'd give them all the benefit of the doubt and assume that they all thought school started today instead of next week. Nevertheless, be on high dweeb alert... don't go in any dark alleys alone with school books or calculators, that's where they'll get you! Just thought I'd send out a warning... the supernerds are back already.

Happy New Year's Library Security!!!

2006-01-01T01:50:00.000-07:00

What did you do?

And who ended up flushing the toilets during the break?

Quotables

2005-12-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

"You can only rove the atrium for so long."
~Kristovski (709)

P.S. Feel free to add other "quotables" in the comments.

You Will Die If You Do Not Read And Follow This

2005-12-16T14:23:00.000-07:00

This is my first ever West Desk Blog, and I tell you what, its an important one. If you would like to avoid the flu that is going around, I would suggest washing your hands with germ x every time you get the chance. There are fools out there who have the flu and they sneeze, cough, etc. on the books were forced to stamp because we do circulations job. Wash em up, and dont be sick for Christmas like me. I have a 103 degree fever. My back hurts. I wanna go home.

Violence and the Media

2005-12-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

Man, every end-of-semester I see people bringing in stacks of books and I can guess what their research paper was on. And EVERY semester I see at least 3 different people bring in books on how media influences people to be violent. Man! Can't they do anything original?

This last week or so I've seen a number of "Research Stacks" as I like to call them. One on women in sports, one on Picasso's Guerna, two other ones on. . .you guessed it, violence and the media.

What are some of the research topics you've encountered?

You better not pout!

2005-12-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Your better not cry.... cuz if you cry about Christmas break then there is something seriously wrong. I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!!! Oh, and a Happy New Year as well. Buen Suerte!

Inspirational Christmas Story

2005-12-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Once there was a store that sold lots of jingle bells---and only jingle bells. As the customers came in, and picked the jingle bells up, the bells would jingle their best, hoping that they would be taken to a nice warm loving home. The littlest jingle bell had many problems. Customers would pick it up, and it would ring for them with all it's might. "Jingle Jingle," it would say. Then the customers would set it back down, and say, "this little jingle bell won't do," and they would walk on, and pick up other jingle bells. As the season went on, there became fewer and fewer bells. At last, Christmas Eve finally came. All of the bells had been taken except the littlest jingle bell on the shelf towards the back. As the store keeper was about to close down for christmas, a man with black snow covered boots walked in, and said to the store keeper, "I have been in my sleigh. One of the jingle bells has broken off, and I need a replacement before I can leave, so the reindeer can know where I tell them to go. The little jingle bell raised its head high as it looked toward the man. It was Santa Claus! The bell became very excited. The store keeper said, "Well, I have one last jingle bell, and I can show it to you if you want, but I don't think that it'll be big enough for your sleigh." The store keeper led Santa to the back of the store, picked up the little bell, and gave it to him. He held it up in his hand, and gave it a little jingle, and the bell jingled with all it's might. Then Santa said, "you're right. It is too small."

Special Collections Cameras

2005-12-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

Please keep the three cameras on the DX8000 viewer at all times in control and on the desks. Those three are on DVR #2 Special K:

Book of Mormon Exibit
Joseph Smith Exibit
Exibit Front Drs

Please have them up at all times. I have found that having the 9 camera setting works well. That way you can have the dock doors, atrium, and what ever else you would like. Just make sure those thre are up. Thanks.

A Roving Challenge.

2005-12-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

While you are out on rove today (as I'm sure you all will do, like good little officers), see if you can find a suit of red long johns hanging in a place of prominence. (What will these craft-nuts think of next?!)

First one to find it (and comment) wins...um...bragging rights.

Good luck, gumshoes!