Opening Anouncement

This is the first semester that I've had an opening shift and I have found it very sad to see so many lowly students anxiously awaiting the opening of the doors so they can get their study on before the rooster crows. In my personal opinion, studying should by no means start so early- you know what they say, "Whenever you get to bed, not early to rise" or something like that.
Anyhow, to deter students from this inappropriate behavior, I propose that we make an opening announcement. Perhaps it could go something like this,

*bee boo* "(in the voice of a monkey from monk-e-mail, probably Paul) May I have your attention, it is now 7 o'clock. The library is now open and all library patrons are officially losers, please go home and go back to bed immediately. Thank you."

or,
*bee boo* "May I have your attention (still Paul), Jack Bauer just called with some urgent information and the library has been put on high Nerd Alert, all library patrons need to exit immediately."

The possibilities are endless really, but I don't know if LAO will go for it.