Training meeting!

What are you doing the 12th of November?

Going to the training meeting?

GOOD ANSWER!

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
1900 in room 3710

If you can't tell, that's Darkwing Duck with a friggin' chainsaw

Interaction in the office

713- "Wow, this is the spiciest cup of ramen I have ever had"
710- "You pu$$y"
everyone else- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SERVED

FUNNIEST THINGS FOUND IN THE LOST AND FOUND!

Self-explanatory!

Today (28 Feb 2008) Prophylactics. Can you imagine the response when they realized they were missing? "Uhh, where is the lost and found?" "Right here!" "Uhhhhhhh, do you have any condoms?" "No sorry sir (or madame) we don't sell those here."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH "No, honestly honey! They were in my backpack when I got to the library!"
What kinds of awesome pranks can we play with these?

Hey you guuuys

New people ahoy! Let's get this started again! With all of the shenanigans afoot, we have got to have some funny stories to tell! Let's update this sucka.

Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said I'm sorry.

So, I don't know if we're not paying attention or what, but on Saturday night I was closing and I saw a TON of food boxes. It was a mess, especially on the fifth floor. There were pizza boxes all over the place, subway wrappers, Jamba Juice cups, banana peels. Are people sneaking it in under our noses or are we just ignoring them and/or assuming that they are employees?
Allow me to offer a solution. It's part of Joel's going away speech. ROVE! Right now, the rove officer is buying an iPod and updating his facebook page. I don't think that's right.
Please don't think that I'm on a high horse. I am repenting as well. I have been shaken by this so I'll be roving when I am assigned to rove. We can at least be as diligent as the MOA. Although they rove with comic books and sudoku puzzles, they rove.
That is all for now.

Holy Orson Scott Card, Batman!

Never before has a riot nigh broken out in the library! Folks lined up for yards around! Mayhem and nerd sweat all around!
Due to a 'communication discrepancy' scores of super-dedicated nerdly types showed up at 0700 to get tickets for the Orson Scott Card lecture. They are a remarkably well-behaved people. There were about 20 people in line from 0700 to 0800, then the line spurted to about 60 people. All sorts of angered peoples would come strolling down the stairs beginning at 0800 thinking that that's when the tickets would be given out, only to find that had they bothered to read the posters rather than newsnet, the website, and the Daily Universe, they would have known that it began at 0900. Because there was a man in position of authority (me) there, those angered peoples came to me asking where they could lodge a complaint. Because I didn't know/care, I just directed them to BYUSA. Hahahahahahaha! I'll update this later when I get back to the control room.

Guestbook Mirth part deux!

Here they are, as promised. The pickings are a little slim, so it goes.

"This does answer the question if both brain lobes work" -DH (the reason this is funny is the brain has four lobes)
"Spencer and Britney ROCK" -Spencer and Britney
"Barns are cool . . ." -CC
"I have low self-esteem" -My Browny
"My Ninja burns some barns"
"I love barns" -Jenny Craig
and finally, a visit from the big guy himself
"Thiss work is fabulous. I am truly impressed with the gift God has given you" -Gordon B Hinckley

More Guestbook Mirth!

I was searching the archives (like the faithful 100 Hour Board junkie that I am) and I came across a blog that chronicled funny entries into the guestbooks that people sign for the exhibits. I discovered the guestbook for the Barns exhibit and I will be putting in the choicest nuggets that people put in, thinking that nobody else will read their attempts at wit.

Is the West Desk Dead?

It sure seems like it. Since the internet has been blocked at the desks (except for byu.edu sites) it seems that no one feels the need to kill their time by talking to other library security officers.

The West Desk began as (and still is, for the most part) a way that library security officers were able to talk about new policies, complain about patrons who annoy, and generally have a good time while stranded at West Island.

We can read books at the desk for Spring/Summmer, why can't we go to a website run by Library Security and communicate with those who we feel the closest to (and our co-workers, too)?

Doug (739) Must Stay

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of the tragedy that is rapidly approaching, but our beloved 739 is planning on going to SUU. Which in my mind, is a terrible disgrace. I thought that maybe we as a security crew could try and convince Doug to stay by coming up with some reasons why we need him here/why we'd miss him/why Provo is better than Cedar/lists of hot girls that aren't in Cedar, etc. So I figure I'd start off the list....

1) He would miss me sooooo much that he'd probably cry himself to sleep every night

2) Chexits ain't gonna check themselves

3) Who's going to date the retarded quadripeds? (however you spell that)

4) I would miss him soooooo much I'd cry myself to sleep every night

5) EFY girls (you know you love em....)

6) Women's conference women...


So, feel free to add to this list. I'm sure we can convince him to stay!!

Happy freaking Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends at the HBLL.

I miss you peoples.

XO,
716

The West Desk

How to get a girl

This guy has got moves! If his little lady friend wasn't impressed, she's not worth his time... I particularly like the interpretive dancing.

See the DVR -- 1 Feb 2007 11:53:50 to about 11:54:25

Maybe it'd be interesting to write a dialogue for them...

Opening Anouncement

This is the first semester that I've had an opening shift and I have found it very sad to see so many lowly students anxiously awaiting the opening of the doors so they can get their study on before the rooster crows. In my personal opinion, studying should by no means start so early- you know what they say, "Whenever you get to bed, not early to rise" or something like that.
Anyhow, to deter students from this inappropriate behavior, I propose that we make an opening announcement. Perhaps it could go something like this,

*bee boo* "(in the voice of a monkey from monk-e-mail, probably Paul) May I have your attention, it is now 7 o'clock. The library is now open and all library patrons are officially losers, please go home and go back to bed immediately. Thank you."

or,
*bee boo* "May I have your attention (still Paul), Jack Bauer just called with some urgent information and the library has been put on high Nerd Alert, all library patrons need to exit immediately."

The possibilities are endless really, but I don't know if LAO will go for it.

Lights Out! Guerilla Radio!

This is just your friendly reminder to USE THE CONTROL ROOM RADIO WHEN YOU ARE IN CONTROL!!

Why? Well here are some reasons:

1. Because -- I said so.

2. It'll save your "personal" radio's batteries -- heaven knows I hate it when it starts doing that "low battery" beeping.

3. It will help you find love -- people love efficiency.

4. It will prevent feedback -- yes, that's the terrible squealing sound that comes when you use multiple radios close together. It bugs those on duty and it bugs dispatch.

5.It will save the ozone layer and prevent global warming -- it uses less chemical energy.

6. We need to have the control radio at full volume for the control room -- when you turn it down so you can use your radio you're not helping the person who comes after you and doesn't know you turned it down.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll stop there.

That and I don't think those that need to read this post actually will.

A Helpmeet for 709

Disclaimer: 709 didn't put me up to this, but I think he will be glad if and when he sees results.

This post was inspired by a late night screening of Jurassic Park and a conversation I recently had with 709. We were sitting in the control room late one night when he (suddenly, and without warning) started talking about his dating life, and about his wish to court many of the "daughters of Zion" that work here in the division. Basically the gist of his message was that he had a huge crush on all unmarried female security officers (his so called "cousin" included) and wanted to know how to get their attention. I gave him a few insights such as stamping books correctly, sideburns, aftershave, etc. His chin quivered a little bit when he was telling me this. He called himself a son of Helaman.

Interestingly, 709 has been insistent that only female security guards will do. I've often wondered if he is just drawn to girls in uniform; he hasn't been quite the same since he quit coaching girls’ high school tennis last year.

So I guess this is just a plea to all of the unmarried female officers out there. Just please go out of your way to make 709 feel special. If you're interested, start picking up what he's putting down. If not, give him a little encouragement: laugh at his jokes, wink across desks, side hugs, slap hands, etc. Basically I would just like to stop that quiver in 709's chin once and for all.

Chexits aint gonna check themselves.