Dern Book-Learned Folk

I love the smell of custodial's industrial-strength Windex in the early morning as much as the next man, but from now on I'm not coming in to open the library until noon. I've watched too many college students roll into our hallowed HBL of L at the butt-crack of dawn to study, well, their butt cracks off, really, and they're beating the sheezie out of me academically. As I sit and watch these brainiacs waltz in for pre-dawn preparation to nuke my GPA, my only consolation comes from the certainty that none of them have a clue as to what it's like to be kissed by a woman under 50.

Perhaps my day needs a scholarly shot in the arm. I tried to read yesterday's Daily Herald but never advanced beyond the intriguing headline "Bush taps Rice." Sure, if he wants to, I guess. Hadn't pegged her as his type but then again I've yet to peg anyone as mine either. Touché.

So the newspaper is out. Time to wait for someone to turn in a copy of Mommy, Mommy, What's The Potty For? The Juvenile section poses a challenge closer to my current abilities, plus I would undoubtedly find it an informative read. Aw forget it. I'm aiming for even smaller goals. Baby steps, like learning to stamp a few books between the lines. What? The stamp has to be right-side-up too? Shoot me.