All I Want For Christmas

I thought I would share my Christmas list with everyone...

1. I want all BYU students to congregate in Brigham Square for a group hug (unfortunantly I've been informed that such a huge group could reach critical mass, resulting in a total and complete breakdown of the soil structure on which BYU rests).

2. I want everyone in the world with outrageously colored hair to line up to form a rainbow that can be seen from space.

3. I want all ugly people to swear that they will wear a brown paper bag over their head from this day forth (this is not because I'm mean I just think that it would be a step in a progressive direction).

4. I want girls to stop hitting on me while I'm at the desk...I'm married for heaven sakes (though I must admit that it is more fun to disappoint ten girls a week than to flirt with, pick up on and get the numbers of ten girls a week...I know, I have done both to the point of making it look easy).

5. I want to take back my third want (not because I wouldn't like to see it happen but because I have a better idea) and instead ask that everyone wear a smile...i mean lets face it, a frown is well beyond the bounds of good taste and if everyone fashioned a smile we would be far more attractive thus averting the need for brown paper bags in general.

6. Finally, I want to personally pepper spray everyone who highlights a book...not because I feel it would be just desserts but because it just feels right.