Final Huzzah from the Food Czar

As all good things come to an end, my reign as Food Czar is in its final stretch. As many know I have provided you with a fair amount of goodies in the locker room. From which many of you have been able to partake with a contribution to the almighty snack jar. But alas, funds continue to drop and though many ask for things like Hot Chocolate those same people seemed to have changed thier minds. So 748 and myself have decided to go to the limited goodies and thuse maybe none at all. There are no promises made at this point.

Yet I for one am pleased that the very officer who lost most of his money to start this wonderful service up hasn't come breaking our thumbs asking for reimbursement. But over all, as this sad chapter in our lives begins I do want to say that its been fun.

Its been fun listening to some peoples incessant whining over not having what they want or when they want it, as if my lot in life was to please them and nobody else, as if my dedication to my school work, church calling, job or wife ran second to their need for food when it was them that didn't plan enough ahead to bring a lunch or that they thought I wouldn't do something like write an insanely long sentence just to complain about them in writing, which I have been known to do in the past and shouldn't be a suprize to anyone who knows the Food Czar.

But I have done things for you like bring hot chocolate into the snack area, something many of you asked for yet of which nobody partook. Or spelling Czra with a "cz" as requested when even though seven years of studying russian taught me that it should be spelled with a "ts." So...O.K. I really didn't do that much for you but I wanted to ramble a little bit longer since this is most likely the last time I will address you as the tyrant Food Czar. So for now....HUZZAH!!
I'm outta here.

scripture for the day

Judges 3: 21-22
21 And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his
right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

22 And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon
the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and
the dirt came out.

Thank you,

Hub Huxtable

Ode to the New Guy

Blue stamp, Blue Stamp,
You're not green.
Your color is like
The ocean serene.

Or a Deep Blue Something
That has Breakfast at. . .places,
Your different hue
Brings a smile to our faces.

For we do Circ's job
Much to our disdain,
But when we call them for carts
They whine and complain.

Green Stamp, Green Stamp
You are now blue.
And we all bid you, O green ink,
A heart-felt "Adieu."

Don't underestimate the power of cologne!

So I'm sure that most of the guys on the crew are aware of my #1 weakness when it comes to guys...cologne. Ladies, back me up on this one...you have to admit, when a guy smells yummy, and he's even remotely attractive, you become at least twice as vulnerable and suddenly everything he says and does is perfect...

My roommates and I all share the same weakness and the guys in our ward are really catching on...many a cuddle fest have gone down in apt. 302 since their new discovery!

Ah, the best is after you cuddle with a guy and the smell of his cologne is in your hair or on your sweatshirt...and as you start to drift off to sleep...that's all you can think about...

So I will say that I am on my way to quitting my non-commital cuddling days... and I'm getting stronger and stronger against all the weapons guys try to use against my wavering will-power. However, when my thoughts are clouded by the distracting fragrances of Aqua, Hugo, Polo, Very Sexy, etc...the battle suddenly becomes much harder.

Let me better illustrate the seriousness of this weakness of mine...so I'm sitting in D&C the other day, just patiently waiting for class to start when I look up to see someone headed my way. I couldn't quite decide if he was cute or not...but obviously he was attractive enough to catch my attention. Anyway, so he sits next to me and immediately I get a wave of his cologne...it wasn't familiar, but it was a good one! And suddenly, the decision was made. He was obviously very cute! Throughout the lecture, I got sucked into the discussion...but everytime he would lean over to share my scriptures with me or bend down to pick up his pencil, I was mesmerized by his lovely aroma and reminded of how attractive he was...

So maybe I'm a little more boy-crazy than the average BYU girl, but I will say that no girl could deny that there is something they put in those bottles that somehow weakens our defenses...at least a little bit.

So guys, don't leave home without it. And you can thank me when you all have someone to keep you warm this winter...just lookin' out for my boys! Good luck!

Lay off the bottle, Uncle Ben.

That's a reference to one of those scary Mormon guilt-you-into-doing-the-right-thing films, in case you don't know.

And, along those lines, I now exort all my brothers and sisters of the blue blazer to NOT SEND MY DADGUM WATER BOTTLE TO THE LOST AND FOUND EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I successfully rescued my hip Nalgene water bottle from the Wilk Lost and Found this morning, much to my chagrin that it was there in the first place.

So next time you see that light green Nalgene wandering around the control room or on one of the desks, it will read "I'M NOT LOST. I HAVE A HOME." in block capitals. Because obviously my full name spelled out on the bottom wasn't enough to keep it from being sent to the orphanage...

Things that make you go. . .hmmmm?

Whenever I eat scalloped potatoes (or, little winged potatoes - as I like to call them), I get a stomach ache. Why is this?

Whenever I eat Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles (which I LOVE!), I get a headache and become nauseated. Kind of like when I get motion sickness. Why would chips do this?

Do any of you have any weird quirks like that?

Chocolate Lucky Charms

I just bought this last week, and, dare I say it? Yes, I dare. This is the greatest breakfast cereal of all time. Ever.

Sunshine, Rainbows, and Meat

Oh man! I just got back from another pleasant encounter with the BBQ club. Ooooooooooh! And I feel great!! This is the best deal on campus! For those who don't know what it's all about, you pay five bucks for the semester and there are five BBQs on campus (Just outside the Wilk) throughout the semester. That's like a buck for each BBQ! And, each time, you get a hamburger/cheeseburger (cooked to your liking), a giant polish hot dog (Thanks, Melissa, for giving me yours each time - since you don't like them), chips (Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos) and a drink (usually Tang, Water or Hot Chocolate). It's a steal!

Their first BBQ was today from 12-2, so if you missed out they'll have another one in a couple weeks and you can join then. Seriously, though, join! It brightens my day each time I go. *sniff* Ahhhh, I love the smell of BBQ in the morning!

Thy Leotard, My Liege

Mine eyes hath beheld a couplet of dorks, er, members of the Sword and Quill Club, that hath wended their way into the HBLL, hande in hande, dressed to slay yon Mightee Dragon. (I thought it goode that I was dressed in my doublet of blue, thereby maintaining my professionality in my goodly crafte). Dressed so dafte in this public manner, these deserveth a right pepper-spraying of large proportions, methinks.

Multitasking

You know, I always sing my own praises of being able to multitask like a madwoman. But my first day back in the dear ol' HBLL really bruised my reputation. And my ego.

Story is: The tattle-tape on those d*** things for physics students were making the 3Ms beep like crazy. And if the tattle-tape didn't, the brand new textbooks did. Needless to say, the people shuffling in and out of the library were making the 3ms chirp like a cageful of canaries. So, the atrium is ringing with their song, there's a billion people stopping by the desk to ask where the Wilkinson Center is, and I'm somehow making eye contact with every sweet little RM who is desperately ready to shed his single-ness.

That, and the books are piling up at an alarming rate--even faster than they did on finals week. I seriously thought of building myself a little castle right there on the desk, and staying there until spring.

So I call Circulation to bring me a cart. But just as I pick up the phone, 3 different people set off the alarm, several more approach East with their stupid questions, and I yell after a guy trying to bring ice cream into the library. Circulation tries to talk to me:

"Library circulation. How may I help you?"
"Yeah, I'm at East and, uh..."

The alarm beeps again. I put the phone on my shoulder. "Sir? Sir? Can you walk through again?"

"Hello?"
"Sorry. I'm back. I need a, uh..."

"Hey, can you tell me where the MARB is?" Some guy, with his class printout in his hand.
"Sure," I say, shifting the phone to my shoulder again. I pull out the map, peer at it, and can't find the bloody building anywhere. "I think it's south of the library..."

"You need a what?"
"Oh my," I say, putting the phone to my ear again. "I'm sorry. I need a...uh..."

The word "cart" somehow escapes me. I stare off, wracking my brain for what it was I needed, and why I had called, and who I was talking to in the first place.

"A cart?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. A cart. Thank you."
*Click*

As I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but smile. Maybe I have a Y chromosome lurking around there someplace...

Stoked for Sports

Hello boys and girls,
Once again, it is time for my weekly commentary on that wonderful activity we like to call sports. College Football - its finally over, the BCS is messed up, we need a playoff, but I must say, I was amused by being offered numerous beers as I attended the Fiesta Bowl, surrounded by numerous Utah fans. I quote the old guy in front of me - "Why do you take 2 mormons fishing with you? - because if you only take one, he'll drink all the beer". And what was with that whole Ashlee Simpson thing? Man, I wish my sister was a celebrity and could get me into the recording studio and I could get my record and make millions even though I suck!
Okay, College Basketball is about to hit the best time of the year - conference play - although for us cougar fans it might be the worst time of the year. We're predicted to be at the bottom of the pack, and I predict we will lose atleast 3 games at home during the conference play.
Back to the NBA and the hottest team in the country - none other than the Phoenix Suns - I saw them in action over the break, and they sure are a sight to see. I've never seen more dunks or easy baskets since....oh wait i've never seen as many dunks and easy baskets as they get.
Umm, another note thats not so recent - just on my mind cause I saw her picture today - Tiger Woods married the hottest sweedish woman alive. Are there any sweedish ladies at the Y?
Thank you everybody - have a good week

Making Out (since we're on the seduction topic)

Is there anything about the HBLL that makes it a place to cozy up with your significant other? I personally don't find this atmosphere particularly romantic, but I suppose there are those that do.

Take the study rooms, for example. Perfectly business-like rooms, starkly furnished and study condusive. And a great place to make out, so some think.

Like a certain couple I found in a 5th floor study room today. I just cracked open the door, and as they shot me that deer-in-the-headlights expression, I said, "You can probably find somewhere else to do that. Have a good day."

Kind of exhilarating, that...

Seduction

So, I thought I would write a little note about an experience I had today:
I walk into the library and proceed to strike up conversation with a rather attractive library security officer and she inquires: "are you wearing aqua dijio? to which I responded in the affirmative, and she replies "what are you trying to do to me?" My response has illicited a new found mission in life - which was "The same thing I'm trying to do to all the fine ladies at byu - seduce you with my affinity for cologne that drives women crazy"
So, you all know now - look out for the Stokes...he's out to seduce.

Some Books and a Man

This is a tale of a different kind, about some books and a silly guy.

Once a man came to the library, and stopped at the desk of security.

"I'm returning these books to you Mr. Security," he said. "For my name is Jim McGee."

I don't want you to return them to me, I don't want them Jim McGee.

"Would you take them in a box, would you take them with ten bucks?"

I don't want them in a box, I don't want them with ten bucks.
I don't want them returned to me, I don't want them Jim McGee.

"Would you take them with my house would you take them from my mouth?"

I wont take them or your house, I don't want them from your mouth,
you're sick, you're sick Jim McGee, get those books away from me.

"Would you take them from Halle Berry, if I said she thought you are hairy?"

I wont take them from Halle Berry, especially if she thinks I'm hairy.
I wont take them can't you see, I don't want them Jim McGee.

"Not even if I wrote in them, what if I gave them to you spitten in?"

Everyone dose that everyday, but I wont take them anyway.
I don't want them Jim McGee, I just wont take them, can't you see?
I don't want them from a box, I wont take them with ten bucks,
I wont take them or your house, and certainly not from your mouth,
I wont take them from Halle Berry even if I am hairy,
I just wont take them Jim McGee, not from you or her or anybody.

"What if I stamped them as you do, what if I stamped them all for you."

Well yes, yes I'll take them Jim McGee, I will take them certainly.

So he stamped all the books, all hundred thousand about hooks.
And ends the tale of Jim McGee and some fool security guard who should have
taken the house when it was offered.

This story has been provided for your pointless entertainment. It will now
keep you busy for hours as you wonder what I was smoking when I wrote this.
But I think it was actually due to a dream I had after eating a bowl of my
grandmothers chilie.

Mourning the Loss

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It is with a heavy heart and deep sorrow that I write this post. We were all witness to a great tragedy lately and I felt like I needed to talk about it. The world will never be the same because of what happened, nor will the Sunday newspaper. I'm speaking, of course of Dave Barry taking a sabbatical.

As I opened the Standard Examiner this past Sunday, eager to read the latest fountain of humor that is: Dave Barry, I was shocked to find that it was Dave Barry's last humor column. Dave Barry has written for the Miami Herald for the past 22 years. Each column has been filled with exquisite humor, corny puns, and numerous band names. He's made fun of everything from song lyrics to exploding whales and cows. And now, he's decided to take a break from writing his weekly column.

For those of you who do not know of Mr. Barry, I highly encourage you to read his articles(online), books, desk calendars and website when you have the time, you will not be disappointed.

Dave Barry, you will be missed.

55-19

Best part of the game: Ashlee Simpson getting booed off the stage for her lame halftime performance.

New Years Lovin

So I decided that this New Years Eve was going to be different...I was going to be kissed! And I was convinced it was going to be by a dang cute boy and it was going to be good!

Since my regular NCMO pal was all the way in Tennessee for the holidays (wink, wink), I was going to have to find someone else. I knew in AZ, where the weather is hot...and well, let's be honest, the boys are too...it wouldn't be too hard to find, I told myself.

After a few stops, we crashed the dance party at Stonebridge Manor Mansion in Mesa. So many people!!! And, I'm not gonna lie, some pretty dang good looking guys. My chances were looking pretty good. It didn't take long before my friends and I were dancing and having a good time.

Before I knew it, I was counting down...10,9,8,7,6...and I'm thinking to myself, ooo,he's cute; I think I'd kiss him...wow, he is too, as I scan the hot guys in close proximity. One of them makes eye contact and smiles flirtatiously...5,4,3...2005 is gonna be a good year, I think to myself as he starts to walk towards me... 2, 1, Happy New Year!!! Suddenly, I'm being spun around by a large, hairy, unfamiliar arm and before I know it, another fella is going in for the kill. He was, well, quite the contrast from boy #1, and definitely far less attractive than any of our blue blazer boys here at Library Security! About 2 inches from my face, he smiles and says, "Hey there! You wanna give me a taste of that lip gloss?"

Needless to say, he didn't get any closer.

And so, this New Years, I learned what a silly, shallow girl I am. I think I'll stick to my old policy: don't kiss anyone I don't know and like...besides, a situation that seems promising could turn sour quickly!