Stone Cold Jeff

I just saw Sheri Dew come into the HBLL. I raised my hand and waved, grinning like an idiot. She waved back, and I squelched the urge to yell after her, "Sister Dew, I wanna work for you someday!"

Then I rushed into the control room.

"Um, Jeff, is there any reason why Sheri Dew would be here today?!"

He didn't even bat an eye.

"Maybe she wants to check out a book."

Discovering: Me

I found another one of my pet peeves.
It's that smiling look that patrons give you when they come in to turn in their books. You know that look. It's the one that says, "Man! I'm turning in a lot of books! Probably more than you've ever seen Mr.(Ms., Mrs. Brittany Jagoda-you're the only married female officer, right?) Security Officer, isn't it? It's amazing how many books I can pull out of this bag! I am a funny, funny person because I am giving you a lot of books." Grrrr.

And the worst part is that sometimes they are giving me more books than I've ever seen given at one time. *sigh* These are the days I feel more like a slave/librarian than a Security Officer.

Da Suns

Hello again everybody, and welcome to sports beat with Stokes:
We're coming to you once again from the B Lee Library in Provo, U-T home of the Da Cougs! But tonight, we're going to talk about a certain dynasty in the making, a team known as Da Suns.
As we discuss their recent success, all I have to say is two words: Steve Nash. He should just play everybody by himself. Well, what if he could have the help of one more player - how about a certain Amare Stuademire. Wait, that's already unfair again.
Okay enough of that. K sports for real now - this one is for the boys: sadly enough the lovely tennis player Anna Kournikova has married latin singer Enrique Iglesias. We can all stop watching tennis now.
Basketball: Like I said, the Phoenix Suns are awesome, as evidenced by their 20 point drudging of the Utah Jazz last night (I especially liked the 41 point second quarter). Byu - we're not good at anything, but props to Bronco for being named Head Coach - I think he will have success in turning the program around - and two words : Todd Watkins - the guy has skills. Basketball -we just plain suck - but snaps to the hometown kid - Austin Ainge for stepping up and playing hard. Okay time to rotate. Go Suns

Once More Form the Food Tsar

YO...DUDE AND DUDET...I just thought that I would let you know that we did better in the money arena this time but we are still down considerably and thus we see that we do not have more food or stuff you would liek to see and that the beloved Food Tsar can run a sentence on for quit a long time, a skill he picked up while sailing on a Turkish ship crewed by mostly Greeks while searching for pennies in Lake Eerie (735 would at this time like to declare that I am a "self-proclaimed" food tsar and tyrant). Anyhoo...all that I really want to say is this: buy a cup and you can ave it and clean it or whatever...but every time you take a cup you must pay the wopping ten cents. To offset a loss of money from certain things I raised the price on the Hot Chocholate. Well thats all...Keep it real my peeps.

Since you go to BYU, you probably know how to read

I know this whole extended hours thing is throwing some people off, but...is it too much to ask people to simply check the signs, which are of course clearly posted on the doors, as they enter? I never thought I would tire so much of the question "What time does the library close" by people who, not 5 seconds earlier, could have answered that question themselves by merely opening their eyes...
Maybe my lack of sleep is just really getting to me. I need a Dew.

Grrrr.

I changed my mind. I hate this bloody weather.

...though it is fun to see people slide on that slush pile outside the east entrance.

12 More Days?

12 books to stamp,
11 people not passing their ILLs through,
10 telling you that you need to pass their ILLs through,
9 3M machines beeping,
8 times you've called Circ. and they haven't picked up your cart,
7 Special K people forgetting their cards,
6 2080 alarms,

5 BROOOOOOKEN RADIOOOOOOOS,

4 People who lost their keys,
3 Bookbags Thefts,
2 hours at West
And a patron who won't stop talking to you at the desk!

Tis the season?

It's the most crappiest time of the year
With the students forgetting
To thank you and letting
Books pile up to your ears.
It's the crap-crapiest time of the year.

They'll be bringing their Jambas
And dancing the Samba 'cause
All of their projects are through.
'Till two in the morning
When we give the warning:
"Get out or we'll pepper spray you!"

We're the most wonderful crew they have here.
Yet, we're often ignored
As we sit at West, bored
Trying to fight the tears!
It's the crap-crapiest time
It's the most crapiful time
It the most crappiest tiiiiiiiiime
Of the Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaar!

Oh What a Beautiful Morning!

I never thought I would refer to snowy/rainy days as gorgeous weather, but dang! This is the first time I've thawed out in a couple of weeks. Where I used to bundle up for the hike up Mt. Everest (the south campus stairway of death), I now feel like I should bust out the Bermuda shorts or something.

So, on that note, enjoy this fine weather we're having, and Happy Finals Week. May God bless us, every one. I'm going to need it...

Go Buy Divine Comedy Tickets!

Uh. . .I said all I wanted to in the title. . .so. . .uh. . .thank you for your time.

All I Want For Christmas

I thought I would share my Christmas list with everyone...

1. I want all BYU students to congregate in Brigham Square for a group hug (unfortunantly I've been informed that such a huge group could reach critical mass, resulting in a total and complete breakdown of the soil structure on which BYU rests).

2. I want everyone in the world with outrageously colored hair to line up to form a rainbow that can be seen from space.

3. I want all ugly people to swear that they will wear a brown paper bag over their head from this day forth (this is not because I'm mean I just think that it would be a step in a progressive direction).

4. I want girls to stop hitting on me while I'm at the desk...I'm married for heaven sakes (though I must admit that it is more fun to disappoint ten girls a week than to flirt with, pick up on and get the numbers of ten girls a week...I know, I have done both to the point of making it look easy).

5. I want to take back my third want (not because I wouldn't like to see it happen but because I have a better idea) and instead ask that everyone wear a smile...i mean lets face it, a frown is well beyond the bounds of good taste and if everyone fashioned a smile we would be far more attractive thus averting the need for brown paper bags in general.

6. Finally, I want to personally pepper spray everyone who highlights a book...not because I feel it would be just desserts but because it just feels right.

Dave Reid is friggin' hilarious

It must have been the pizza.

After a clandestine Pizza Pipeline run tonight, Dave Reid waxed hilarious. You know those people who trip over the top step? Over a large pepperoni-pinapple pizza and tricky sticks in the control room, Dave told a story to end all stories.

So he has some friend who was a chemical engineer. This guy is booking it up the steps of the Clyde Building one day, trips and falls.

But, this wasn't your normal "eat-crap" episode. This guy had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he was launched SIDEWAYS into the hallway. The human projectile, his hands still in his pockets when he ate it.

I laughed until my sides hurt, and I'm still laughing as I type this. It's that joke that keeps on giving.

...I guess you had to be there.