Perfect Kissing Snow

Ok, how many of you have had the pleasure of being at Disneyland around Christmastime? For those of you that have, please recall one of the most exciting things about Disneyland at this time of year: the fake snow that forms and falls in perfect white flakes... and the fireworks shows every evening that accentuate the atmosphere that makes people of all ages feel like kids again. Perhaps for some of us, it may make us a little nostalgic and/or romantic...perhaps it makes some of us wish that we had someone to share the experience with...after all, Disneyland has perfect kissing snow.

For those of you who might be wishing you could be at Disneyland right now, I have good news for you. Granted, I can't give you Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse...or the fireworks...or the castle...but there is one thing you can have right here, right now, in Provo UT. Perfect kissing snow.

Look outside my friends, and tell me that you don't just want to grab the nearest attractive guy/girl and make out in that stuff!

My roommates call it movie snow, I call it Disneyland snow...but whatever the title, nobody can dispute it really is perfect kissing snow.

Sports with Stokes

Hello once again everybody..you know what time it is: to quote Kramer "Who wants to have some fun!?!" Okay, so March Madness has truly lived up to its name this year, I don't know about ya'll but I didn't have louisville or michigan State anywhere near the Final Four - but my hat goes off to the cinderella teams of the year - especially WEst Virginia even with a guy with the last name Pitsnoggle - with a name like that, he shoul dbe playing in Europe or something. There were tons of upsets, and I must say I have never seen elite 8 games as intense as this past weekend - 3 overtime games - that is what college basketball is all about - guys crying on the floor because they lost - you won't see that in the NBA unless its like, Jack Nicholson crying that the Lakers suck so bad and he pays $3500 every night for his seat - front row to a mediocre display of athletic ability.
On a good note - to all you Suns fans out there - they are still currently the best team in the NBA - with a 1 game lead over the Spurs and Heat for home court advantage in the playoffs - anybody want to go to Arizona with me to watch a playoff game? Road trip people..come on. Suns are awesome!

Bookstore Nazi's

So, As I was chatting with the delicious Dish yesterday at the West Desk, I was about to leave this fine institution and lo and behold, it started raining. Needless to say, I was dressed fairly nicely, was toting a leather jacket and my laptop, and a big fat accounting book in hand..I didn't feel like getting wet, so I ran over to the bookstore to buy myself an umbrella. Upon purchasing it, I realized I had just fell victim to a nazi regime - the thing cost me like $15 and all just because it says BYU in big leters on one side! What is this world coming to?!! I need like..Winston Churchill or somebody to help me bring down the prices. come on people.

This time they've gone TOO FAR!

First: They killed the Garrens.

Secondly: They tried to kill Divine Comedy

Then: They tried to kill the 100 Hour Board (and now have it in a stranglehold)

And NOW: BYUSA (aka BYUSSR) has taken it upon themselves to kill the BBQ Club!! Here is the e-mail that I recently got from our beloved cookers of meat:

Comrades and BBQers,

If you've been wondering what happened to the BBQ club, here is your
answer: We've boycotted BYU for the rest of the semester. The last
year has seen a lot of adversity for our oppressed club, and we're
getting pretty tired of it.

First, we have been moved to a different location three out of the
last four barbecues. Now we have been permanently moved closer to
the HFAC, and directly facing it. This has exaggerated another
problem for the club, which is that our music can't be played after
one, regardless of the volume. Last barbecue, our volume was at a
very reasonable level, similar to Milton's music on Office Space.
Despite the low volume, an HFAC snitch reported us to BYUSA or some
other group, who consequently limited our Quad time to 12-1, no
exceptions. Its hard to barbecue for three hundred people in one
hour. Another problem is that we missed Club Council meeting, and
consequently lost our scheduling privileges unitl the next meeting.
How ironic, that at the last meeting I went to, we learned to lead
with Christlike qualities. Anyway, the list goes on, and
consequently, we're done for the semester. I understand that some
have paid for the semester, so if you have, save your pig, and it
will be good for all five in the Fall semester. If that won't work
out, thanks for taking one for the cause. Your money will help to
provide nice grills for semesters to come.

Thanks for the good times,

THE BARBECUE CLUB

So there you have it. Once again BYUSA (Buncha Young Unpleasant Self-Centered Apes) has tried to destory something that I love. How long will these tyrants reign over us?!? When will the revolution begin?!? Should I have Hamburger Helper or tuna sanwiches for lunch?!? I ask you, my brethren and sisteren. . .WHEN WILL WE BE FREE?!?!

the dock door is a security risk

I elaborated on the details in an email-- check your gmail account.

Bottom line, don't prop open the dock door--especially not when there's no one around to monitor it.

Lets Get it Done!

Hey Book Mutilation Team. With midterms and papers being due I think we can begin to see a lot more marked up books returned. We've already seen an increase this last week.

In order to prepare for the end of the semester and get these books out of Jeff's office we need to be checking the list more often and make sure we are doing what we can to contact these people. If you run into anything weird or you are uncertain about something make not of it on a sticky note and put it on their file. Or just ask me or Jeff.

Lets get it done before these people go home for the summer.

Thanks -747

It's Tourney Time

Okay, as mentioned in the most recent Training Meeting, we will be having a 2005 HBLL Security NCAA Tournament contest. Yours truly will be looking to defend his title, facing stiff competition from, among others, "I want to grow a beard again" 748, "Please don't overlook my hard basketball predicting skills" 702, and, of course, "I've won the BYU-basketball-guess-the-score game 12 million times in a row" 722.

Instructions:
Competition is open to all 700 officers. Bracket sheets will be in a box under the poster of the bald eagle in the control room. Be sure to have your bracket filled out and in my (728's) locker by midnight on Wednesday the 16th. Games begin on Thursday the 17th at approximately 10:30 am MST. Oh, and uh, one bracket per person...that should be obvious.

Scoring:
1 point per correct first round game winner
2 points per correct second round game winner
4 points per correct Sweet 16 game winner
8 points per correct Elite Eight game winner
12 points per correct Final Four game winner
16 points for correctly predicting the National Champion
(For all you math majors out there that's 168 total points possible.)
The Leaderboard will be updated daily on the whiteboard in the control room.
The winner will be the one with the most points after the Championship Game on April 4th (duh).

The use of any performance-enhancing drugs will ban you from competition. Good luck to everyone...

Sports with Stokes

hello boys and girls, welcome to sports with stokes...(no applause please)
I must apoligize for my recent absence from the west desk, but never fear, I have returned. So, lets talk sports...first, something good: The Phoenix Suns have retained the #1 spot on the ESPN power rankings, which is exactley where they belong. They worked the Pistons and the Sonics the other night...they cannot be stopped. 747 - you know who's leading the NBA is Assists this year? - steve nash! (should've been you dawg). Now to a more depressing subject: BYU sports - bottom line...we suck! But, snaps to Mike Hall - what a classy player who played hard his last game. The only hope (other than obi won) is that we pull off a couple of miraculous upsets in the conference tournament and win it - and get an NCAA berth.
On a different note...how bout a library security March Madness....pool. hahaha. I got my money on Duke.

Robbery...not theft!

Actually what you are referring to is a robbery. That is when someone takes something by force. A theft is when someone is being stupid and leaving their stuff. So if someone used a club to take a computer from a patron that is a robbery...not a theft.

Oh and by the way thank you to all Book mutilation team people who are keeping up with the new list.

-747

The Ideal Theft

I was talking to a friend of mine in Circ who was commenting on the number of idiots who leave their valuables out for grabs in the HBLL. He went so far as to write a note and leave it on a dumb guy's laptop saying, in effect, "You're pretty freakin' stupid to leave your stuff out."

So I was thinking how much I would love to get a theft report that wasn't, "I walked away and left my $10 million dollar computer out while I went to the Cougareat for my three-hour lunch break and when I came back, it was gone." (Ya think, genius?)

Instead, I would love to have some guy (or girl) come up to the desk and say,

"I have a theft to report. I was huddled in my carrel, clutching my valuables to my body when a man in a black mask, black cape and black top hat came up, beat me across the back with a billy-club, and when I was incapacitated, ran off with my $10 million dollar computer, cackling evilly."

Why the preference? I could actually pity the person robbed. And looking for the thief would be a walk in the park.

Yet Another Reminder

For everyone on the book mutilation team here is a reminder to read your emails concerning the new procedure in accepting and closing cases. The email isn't too long and if you have an attention span of 10 to 15 minutes (which I hear is the average) you can not only read what I wrote but comprehend it.

Now some of you may not be able to fully understand what I write...I understand, sometimes I don't get it either. But I am here often enough and you know my email address so feel free to ask me questions or ask Jeff, who approves and supports the change in procedure.

Since taking a closer look at book mutilation cases we have been able to reduce the number of books and cases we have by almost half in the last three weeks. But we can do better and it will be less difficult to keep track of these things if we just update the list next to the Book mutilation crate.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP

--747

Deseret Securities

I was sitting at the west desk today, and I thought to myself, "Self, library security is like a beehive. We work together and out comes a honey, OR the love that we all have for each other."
Key: bees = library security workers. Beehive: library security or HBLL. honey = love that we all have for each other.

ATTN: Book Mutilation Team

Due to some recent cases that have been found there is a slight change to procedure that you need to be aware of. I wrote an email to you that you can read all of the details you need to know. Don't worry its not too long.

This will hopfully help us to move books faster out of our hands and into circualation where they belong. This is a library and the books should be there for all to enjoy.

Anyway, read your emails so you can keep up with the change.

If there are any questions feel free to ask Jeff. And you can always ask me but I know you probobly avoid contact with me anyway.

Thanks

-747

...and then I woke up.

Last night I dreamed that my favorite work pants actually had belt loops on them, so that I wouldn't have to balance the bulky velcro wonder on the outside of my waistband ever again...

...and then I woke up.