Black Blazers?

A patron just suggested to me that HBLL Security change to black blazers to further distinguish itself from Men's Chorus, and just to look cool. Comments?

So. . .whaddya do?

I like people. I like talking to people. I like it when people come and talk to me at the desk. (Also, if I type the word "people" enough times, it starts to look weird to me.) But when friends (or acquaintances) (or people) come up and talk to you at the desk, but they stay too long, what do you do? It's awkward to say, "Hey, sorry, I can't talk to you anymore, I've got to. . .sit here. . .and watch people. . .uh. . .yeah. . ." There's no easy way out. It's just awkward.

I mean, some people just don't get it that we're not here for them to talk to. We have a job to do, people, even if it doesn't look like we're doing anything. So how do you get rid of them nicely? How do you get them to stop leaning on the desk, lingering, blocking the view of other, potentially dangerous people?

A Ring

So there I was just West Deskin' it and keeping my eye out for any costume totin' freaks trying to enter the library. As I was doing this normal task on that ever uneventful Friday I watched as three female patrons were leavin' the library. Deciding they were posing no threat to books, building, or myself I decided to move on and watch others who could be a little more suspicious. Just then I heared one of the patrons previously mentioned cry out "DANG, A RING." As I turned my head to see what the outburst was about I noticed she was noticing the white gold hammered ring I proudly tote on my left ring finger (and not just so I can remember which hand is my left). The patron who came about a year too late is one of many who I have sent home in complete and utter despair. Yea to the ring and the girl who gave it too me!...who I am proud to say is envied by many.

stop muting the speakers

The speakers need to be at a loud enough volume at all times so that the alarms can be heard. This applies not only in control, but also at the desk-- especially including west. Admittedly it can be annoying. Admittedly control or east most often take care of alarms. But in the event that something goes wrong in the building, WEST is the backup to control. This is because the east desk would immediately assume responsibility for the atrium-- not to mention that particular task distracts east from paying attention to alarms. That leaves west as the most logical backup. Obviously this means you need to do more than stare vacuously into space whilst occupying the west desk. Pay attention to what's going on.

Bonus points for getting digits at the desk.

Partisan Humor

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met but, somehow, now it's my fault."

The joys of anaphylaxis

Yeah, y'know that feeling deep down inside? That stomach-churning, airway-constricting, finger-swelling, itchy feeling?

Me too.

It's called anaphylaxis, that happy feeling that makes you swell up like Martin Short on "Pure Luck."

On Saturday night I experienced that all-too-familiar feeling. I was getting ready to march down to the stadium for the Homecoming game when I decided that I would need to go to the ER instead. Lips throbbing, pulse racing, hives creeping up my face, and my airways slowly sealing shut.

I have allergies to other foods, so I was frantically thinking if I had consumed any in the last few hours. Then I remembered: a big bowl of salad with walnuts in it.

I had contracted an allergy to the all-American nut that is in EVERYTHING.

So I spent the next hour in the hospital, lying on a paper-covered cot in full band uniform, swimming on a sea of Benadryl and Epinephrine. The doctor asked me if I was going to the game and I pointed to the stripe running down my uniform pants and said groggily, "I'm IN the game."

The conclusion to this story is that I marched the halftime show at the football game in my drug-induced state, then went to bed for 12 hours.

And I've sworn off walnuts for the rest of this frail existence.

THE END

Guess Who's Back, Back Again...

Hey foolz, be informed that §åû®µ$ is back on the 100 Hour Board. My new posts began on the 13th, I believe. We need y'alls help, so cowboy up and form a new wrinkle in your brains by showing your support for §åû®µ$ and :::Latro:::. Ask some sweet ace questions, leave witty comments, and together we'll straight up take control of that sucka back to the good guys. Godspeed, Blue Blazers! http://theboard.byu.edu Don't be square.

*I'd like to thank Rove Log for making this comeback possible

the Bluecoats

Saurus and the former 786 have summed it up perfectly: chicks love the blue blazers. I once heard someone refer to the library security guards as the sex symbol of BYU - can i say sex symbol at byu? Anyways, there have been numerous requests for a library security calendar - I think we should look into this - can't you all just see Scott on the cover lookin all bad - those things would sell faster than the "fire crowton" t-shirts. But, yes, Chicks love the blue blazer and its freakin smooth to ask out the ladies with it on. word. Blue blazers are part of the "skills" - girls only want boyfriends with good skills.

Blue Blizazers Get Chicks

Word, Former 786. Life at Library Security never gets more silky and smooth than one's Blue Blazer which, my friend, is friggin silky and filthy smooth. That's why I was so confused when I first donned my Blue Blazer at the beginning of the semester. Sure, it had retained its silky-muh-smoothness and, apart from a little cinnamony overflow from the bathroom, still exuded manly musk. Yet something was different, indeed, nigh unto awry. Halfway through my rove I finally realized what was going on. Turns out 718 and two patrons had buttoned themselves up inside my Blue Blazer along with me. Seriously, chicks dig the things.

Self Imposed Rule

So,

I don't know if any of you guys have noticed this or not, but there are a lot of good-looking women here on campus. Since I started working here, though, I made (sort of) a rule for myself not to ask a girl out while I was on-duty and in uniform. I felt that it might be intimidating to them and, therefore, they would say yes just so I wouldn't pepper spray them. However. . .that was a long time ago.

I'm starting to wonder if I would change my rule if the situation arose. Take, for example, the other day (Auric, you know which instance I'm about to talk about). There was a beautiful young lady standing near Auric at the East Desk while I was stuck at the West Desk. She actually talked to him, man! He didn't do anything, though, and she left the library, leaving us all lovesick and lovestruck. And I kept wondering, what would I have done if I were in his place?

Now my question. What do YOU, the reader think of my (now shaky) policy? Do you think it is ok to ask girls out while sporting the blue blazer, or do you think it's unprofessional? Let me know.

Class participation is NOT welcome

Playoff Baseball Predictions:

NLCS: Cardinals over Astros in 5
ALCS: Red Sox over Yankees in 7
World Series: Cards over Sox in 6
Braves: Maybe next year...

This week's observation: Have you ever noticed how the one guy in your class that's got the most nasal voice is also the one that speaks up the most? Honestly what's the deal with that?

Slogan?

I propose a new slogan for the HBLL Security peeps:

"We Glare Because We Care."

(Comments welcome.)

from the new chick

To my fellow Security associates,

I don't know much about this blog business, but I would like to second Mr. T (Sorry, I don't know your real name) on his hypothesis on the link between Jamba and stupidity. As a Newbie, I caught my first Jamba-smuggler today and it was, well...funny.

I was on rove on the 4th floor and I spotted the top of a Jamba cup. By the time I got over to the group at the table, the cup had disappeared and the culprit was determinedly looking down at his textbook. I bent over and whispered sweetly, "Was that a Jamba Juice I just saw?"

The guy looked up at me, exasperated, and said, "How in the heck do you guys do it?! None of you ever come by my table, unless I have food!" The girl next to him (whom I can only assume was from California) said, "Chah, yeah, like, do you have, like, cameras or something around? 'Cuz, like, you always catch us when we have, like, Jamba." The other guy (a metro in a pink button-up shirt, who had Groucho Marx eyebrows) just laughed. I'm sure he didn't have much to say anyway.

So...that's my story. Free of charge.

You're welcome.

Laurie, the New Kid (or as the Spanish say, "Laurita.")

Question of the Day

So,

Which alarm on CCURE is the most annoying? My vote is for 2080 (LAO) because there's nothing we can do about it. We can't disarm it like we can with 6750 without disarming the lock as well.

But what are they doing up in cataloging, anyway? Do they really need to visit the vending machines that much?

Let me know what you think because a) I would like to know what the general consensus is and b) No one ever posts comments on these posts.

A Call To Play

I propose that we begin to take note and document when funny, silly, or just down right ostentatious displays of stupidity take place in front of the desks. For example: when someone trips on the last step, those times that a patron gives you a book report when returning the book or just those stupid phrases people shout out in the atrium.

Oh by the way...that book report thing happens to me at least once a week...am I alone on this one or is this happening to anyone else?

Anyway, we could record it all on the comments to this posting. So comment away my fellow west deskers.

HBLL Circulation

FYI - If you happen to see the fan blowing on me at the West Desk, um yeah, I'm just trying to hide a farty day.

From the Food Czar

Whats up my peeps? I just thought that I would inform all...young and old, rich and poor, man and woman, that the refigerator is now stocked with goodies. So let me get you the skinny on the food and open things up to suggestions. If you are wondering why we have juice instead of smoothies its because the great monster known as Sams Club didn't have them. So I got what I hoped was the next best thing. I can get another kind of juice next time or something completely different...so let me know.

The reason Corn Dogs didn't make it is because they only come in very, very, very large quantaties and I didn't think we had enough room in the freezer area. So I went for the Chimmies again. Thats not to say we wont see them in the future.

I doubled up on the granolas and the fruit snacks because it looks like everybody is a fan.

I decided on apple sauce because I thought that because they were wider you didn't necessarily need a spoon to go after the goods in the container.

Finally, I just didn't have enough money after that for hot chocolate and cups...but i see a strong possibility next time and as it gets colder a VERY strong possibility.

Let me know how it all works out for you by adding your comments or just punching me in the nose... but I reserve the right to punch back.

Thanks all

I got your back

Woo Woo West Desk Sitters
here are some additions to common phrases heard at BYU - these are common phrases heard in the HBLL Atrium

- Woo woo (the echo is incredible)
- "Hey how you doin? good, you? good" - the common walk-by dialogue
- okay, yeah, i'll just call you lat (Thud) - sound of them tripping and falling down on that last step
- I'm studying in the periodicals - thats the biggest oxymoron ever heard in the library.
- byu football sucks (k, we're getting better - but Ive heard that one a lot lately)

There's got to be plenty more, but that's all my finite mind can come up with on a monday afternoon when I haven't eaten since 8. PRops to Dave Coons - the cordobes - dave you're my hero - conseguime el numero de tu amiga - gracias hermano

Jamba Juice Makes People Stupid

I have recently been informed that there is a conspiracy in which Jamba Juice is acctually responcible for stupidity. I recieved the lowdown from Cal Ripkin Jr. in a dream I had after eating a chicken taco I found at the back of my friends refrigetator. Of course I told Cal exactly what I am about to tell you..."duh." Of course it does. Just look at the number of people who walk into the library with a tall glass of the stuff wrapped in their hands. They forget to read the "NO FOOD" signs and even refuse to heed the common sence of just not having food in a library. The next point is that more and more people continually ask if they return books at the dest. Well I guess the black and white signs reading "Return Books Here" might be too small. Or perhaps a better explanation is that Jamba Juice is making them too stupid to read!

Though, other than testimony from Cal I really don't have any proof. However, I would like to consider a fly (just bare with me). I like to think of a fly as a pretty stupid creature. Heck anything that would get itself stuck in fly-tape has to be! Now a fly and a stupid person has a lot in common. For example they both like Jamba Juice, and the list goes on and on...

So what do I suggest we do...heck if I know, Cal didn't tell me anything about that. So I guess I better go get something to eat before my test... I wonder if Jamba Juice is open.

ADIO KEYING FOR DUMMIES

ol from Rove.

ahead.

ving the 2nd floor new.

4. Did you remember to close the dock?

time was that at?

teen hundred.

gone there yet, but I will.

ber the 6th floor doors, too.

4.

ister still a virgin?

ell did you just say?

egard that last message, please.

Library Security From Dispatch...

A Heartwarming Tale from 702

A long time ago, back when Mom was pregnant with my little sister, she accused Dad of being with another woman. So, he showed her his rove log and it proved he wasn't sleeping around. She was so happy so they decided to get married.

Rove Log: Uniting Families